Jesus Crisis

Just like with any major news story, it's comforting to know that the major news outlets aren't trivializing the entire conflict into a couple of words that try to evoke fear and draw viewers....Right. Congratulations to "Crisis" on being the buzzword this time around.

MSNBC: "Mideast Crisis"

CNN: "Crisis in the Middle East"

ABC News: "Mid-east Crisis" (The hyphen adds drama)

Fox News: "Hezbollah Hates Freedom: Day 12"

Ok, the last one is made up, but you see my point. Why do networks feel the need to brand their coverage with a couple of words? Shouldn't everything change as the situation does? It'd make more sense if it did.

News and Notes

--Given yesterday's events, I'm starting a collection to send Bill O'Reilly over to Beirut and embedding him with some UN observers.

--Only in America could a company lose $3.2Billion in one quarter, still exceed Wall Street projections and have their stock go up. Well done GM! More layoffs for everyone! (In fairness, they would've made a 1.2B profit had it not decided to pay all of their restructuring costs)

--They figured out what made that boat tip over and kill all those old people. No it wasn't that it had 3x as many people on it than it should have, someone was passing out prune juice and early-bird special coupons on one side of the boat.

--Perennial attention whore Ariel Sharon is back in the news. Just when you thought he was dead. In America, you'd never see a comatose person get this much news coverage. Oh wait...well at least Sharon is getting out of the house. Just be glad Sharon doesn't have a creepy video of him in his persistent vegatative state to haunt your dream like Ms. Schiavo.

--Saddam Hussein has said he wants to be killed by firing squad if he gets sentenced to die. That seems reasonable. But any chance his last meal could be accompanied by back to back showing of "Little Man" and "John Tucker Must Die"?

--Speaking of "John Tucker Must Die", this looks like a terrible anti-male movie. Yeah guys are pigs. Duh. If you girls are too stupid to buy into a guy like that then you deserve everything you get. I definitely won't be checking this one out. Though I already am proposing a much more interesting movie. "John Holmes Must Die" Aren't you already intrigued? It could be about the small penised men of the world rising up (hehe get it) and taking out all the guys with big junk in order to decrease the average johnson size. It will star Michael Douglas in the role of a rich man overcompensating for something. This sounds great, I need to call my agent.

--Steely Dan is pissed at Owen Wilson and the writers of "You, Me and Dupree" because they say that Wilson's character (Dupree) was taken directly from one of their songs, "Cousin Dupree". Steely Dan wants Wilson to come and apologize to their fan before a concert. Wilson has said that he'll do no such thing, but does acknowlege that Kate Hudson's character is based on Rikki from "Rikki Don't Lose That Number" and that he'd be very happy to apologize for "Shanghai Knights."

That's it for now, I should really, really look into doing some work.