Oh yes, it's been a while...

Yeah, it really has been a long time. Oh well. Been a little busy lately. My boss has been out with back problems for the last month and is finally returning today. Thank jeebus. That means I've had to pick up the slack and work extra unpaid hours to keep the ship righted. Excellent.

So here's some quick thoughts on things I might have missed:

--Israel vs Hezbollah 3: The Deadening. Ok, we get it, you hate each other. But enough of this half-assed pussy war. Stop the slap-fight and let's start doing some real damage, because if all you're going to do is fire rockets at each other, I'm not really interested.

--It's a fact: There were more civilians killed in Iraq during the last week than on either side of the Israeli/Lesbian "conflict." More US soldiers died than Israeli soldiers too.

--The evacuation of Americans out of Lebanon was so slow, New Orleans mayor Ray Nagin has already declared Beirut a "Chocolate City."

--The Taliban took back three towns in Afghanistan. This would be news if anyone could remember where Afghanistan was. Mission Accomplished.

--There were terrorist attacks in India. C'mon, attacking the trains at rush hour? In India? What did you just hit the "easy button?" Talk about your fish in a barrel terrorism.

--Al Gore needs to shut the hell up about global warming. It's getting hotter. We get it. I'm not saying I don't want some things changed and I that I particularly disagree, but Al, either run for president or fade into obscurity. People are going to think you've got CLS (Crazy Liberal Syndrome) And would anyone be surprised (I mean really surprised) if he used the profits of the movie to buy shares of Exxon.

--The Detroit Tigers are in first place. Who knew? And don't say you did. Everyone, and I mean everyone, thought they'd be lucky to finish .500. Sit down and shut up asshole, YOU DID NOT say they were going to the playoffs in April. If I hear one more person say that I'm stealing their ID and signing them up for the Marines.

--Anyone else think Dick DeVos has one of the strangest speech patterns ever? And I'm not sure he actually has a platform. Oh sure he's mentioned the small business tax, but all he does is pimp his website. He's like a 14-year-old girl who just discovered MySpace and absolutely has to tell everyone about it now OMGthisisthebestthingevar!!!

And now, Headlines:
23 Sailors Rescued From Listing Cargo Ship
In related news, 5 Sailors Rescued From Lisping Cargo Ship
In related related news, Production Begins for New Season of 'Queer Eye'
North Korea Lashes Out at Rice
CORRECTION: North Korea Lashes Out at Lice; You Can Understand Our Mistake
Japan to OK U.S. Beef Import Resumption
Cows Banned for Refusing to Sing 'Lola' in Karaoke Bar with Prime Minister
MySpace Outage Blamed on L.A. Power Loss
In related news, Millions of Child Predators Bored; Dateline: Thursday Canceled
'Super Size Me' Filmmaker Plugs Reality TV
Also, Sky Blue, Puppies Cute
David Hasselhoff: `I Don't Drink Anymore'
Kit: 'I'm so relieved.'
Drug Approved to Treat Rare Genetic Disease Hunter Syndrome
Also: Drug Approved to Treat Hunter Thompson Syndrome. Drug Said to Curb Mescaline Dependancy, Mumblings About 'Bat Country'
Jury Acquits Man of 'Handshake' Assaults
Surprsingly Not Related to Gang Activity (Happened in Mt. P)

Just so you all know, I've gone out of my way to start being less politically correct. I urge you all the same. Stop being a slave to what society says is a good or bad thing to say.