The Wonderful World of Sarcasm

Coming Soon

2008-02-26T17:31:00.004-05:00

I am relaunching my blog soon. Probably within the next month. I am going the whole 9 Yards and having it hosted and publishing it via WordPress. It will incorporate pictures and music and be as snarky as the law will allow.

You will be able to find it at WorldofSarcasm.com

Find me here....

2007-01-20T01:02:00.000-05:00

Click here to see what I'm writing now... WDFN

Discourse Closed

2006-09-27T21:35:00.000-04:00

Quick notes: Project runway is almost on...

Taken from the comments in the previous post...

Oh, and if someone could please answer... which of the three branches of government does the public school system fall under?

Is that supposed to be some kind of argument? Those three branches govern our nation as a whole by laying down the laws. Those laws are guidelines on how schools can be run and funded by the government. Case closed.

so my kids for example... come home with 'ok, wait... so God DIDN'T create the earth? God DIDN'T create animals? All this started from a WHAT?'... how is that NOT subjecting them to a different belief system?

It's called teaching science in a science class. Private school or home schooling are your alternatives. If you are so offended by the teachings of an actual science then use those.

You can't go back to letters from a president and *DRAFTS* of letters from presidents and politicians to find the original meaning of the amendment and then not seek the original intent when it doesn't suit your cause...

So you believe that letters they wrote didn't reflect their true feelings? Were they lying to themselves when they wrote the letters or wrote the constitution?

I've been studying the bible and commentaries and differing translations and books about books about books for a LONG time... there's NO sustained argument supporting your suppositions. (period).

Men wrote the bible. Men are fallible and susceptible to slanting things towards their own view. Several books of the new Testament were believed to have been written/transcribed/etc in the 60s or later, decades after Jesus had died. She also referenced the Apocrypha. No one in the Bible disagrees and says he isn't Christ, but my point and argument has been that maybe people had doubts and were unwilling to accept someone so quickly and saw him as nothing more than a philosopher.

You (in a general, non-direct sense) are so busy thinking about how to protect yourself from Christians that you don't stop to think how deeply you're encroaching upon their lives... But why would anyone care about all that? Someone does. Lots of people do. That's how idiots like George W Bush get elected... because Christians feel violated and like they need someone to protect them.

The plight of the poor persecuted minority...oh wait. Christians make up far and away the majority of religion in this country so that argument doesn't fly. You want to talk about secularists encroaching on the rights of Christians and your major battles are God in public schools? Or the Ten Commandments in the building of a state legislature? Your rights as Christians are hardly even being dented.

No one is telling you how to preach.

No one is telling you how you should live your life.

No one is standing in the way of what YOU do with your body.

No one is telling you that you cannot get married because a 2000 year old book says so.

You're getting off easy. You referenced gay marriage. Tell me how that is making your life worse. Are homosexuals knocking on your door and having sex right in front of you? Are they passing out leflets telling children how it's cool to be gay? Can you give me one instance where two loving homosexuals getting married has made your world a worse place to live?

This country has about a 50% marriage success rate for heterosexual couples and you pitch a fit over homosexuals wanting to tie the knot and at the very least allowed the same advantages with insurance/taxes/etc that regular couples do?

Jesus taught love and acceptance. But all I hear is intolerance and that isn't God's word. Love thy neighbor, but only if that neighbor has never had an abortion, gotten a divorce or is straight. The problem with many people in all religions is that they pick and choose what to believe from their holy books. You either see the messages for what they are or you believe it all. For that there is no grey area.

Steve it seems to me that you have no problem with other religions as long as it's your beliefs that are reflected in the laws. You are a hypocrite.

The world isn't getting worse because of "tolerance and acceptance." The world is getting worse because of ignorance and Intolerance from religious zealots of all faiths and bastards in general. If everyone accepted people as they are, be they gay, straight, black, white, christian, jew, muslim, European, American wouldn't the world be a better place? By accepting everyone, you go a long way to eliminating conflict, hatred and anguish.

Do unto others as you would have them do unto you, Jesus/Moses/Confuscius/Mohammed all said that or a version of it. Why would you break that rule to encroach upon the rights of others and treat them poorly? That's not very Christian.

I've had enough.

And Lindsay, I'm glad you have come around to the wonders of the iPod. They are spendid.

Ah, Discourse!

2006-09-27T13:26:00.000-04:00

The Madison letter wasn't meant as an article against teaching creation. None of them were. It was another point for the separation of church and state. Teaching Creationism in schools (in a science class) would be in violation of that ideal as a de facto endorsement of one religion by a state funded institution. That's what Madison believed and that was the driving force behind that portion of the first amendment.

Also; Regardless of political turmoil, that is what Jefferson believed. And there is nothing to indicate that Jefferson ever waivered in his opinion.

Steve, I am curious as to why it is so important to have Creationism taught in public schools? If it's being taught in Sunday School and in non-secular private schools, then why is it necessary?

To suggest that there is no grey area regarding Jesus is not right. Before his time and afterward there were many false prophets. Not everyone had the benefit of witnessing one of his miracles. I'm sure there were many that believed him, those who didn't and some that didn't know if he was the Son of God or not. I am in the third category. I believe He existed, but as of now I don't know if He truly is the Savior. I do know that his teachings were beautiful and if everyone followed them this world would be better off. As I have said, I am not yet ready to make the leap from Jesus being an excellent philsopher to him being Christ.

Redundancies

2006-09-27T06:27:00.000-04:00

I could've cited many quotes, but chose not to. Since you aren't satisfied, here are others:

Thomas Jefferson in a letter to the Danbury Baptists:

I contemplate with sovereign reverence that act of the whole American people which declared that their legislature should "make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof," thus building a wall of separation between Church & State.

James Madison in a letter to Robert Walsh:

The Civil Govt, tho' bereft of everything like an associated hierarchy, possesses the requisite stability and performs its functions with complete success, Whilst the number, the industry, and the morality of the Priesthood, & the devotion of the people have been manifestly increased by the total separation of the Church from the State.

The Treaty of Tripoli, Article 11 as ratified by the Senate and signed by John Adams:

As the government of the United States of America is not in any sense founded on the Christian Religion...

Are those quotes more to your liking? How about the notion that the main reason the Pilgrims came to America from England was that they disagreed with the Church of England? They wanted religious freedom without the imposition of a state church.

You are correct in asserting the inaccuracies of carbon dating...but we aren't talking about the Shroud of Turin here. We're talking about coal, oil, diamonds, fossils, etc. These things have taken millions of years to reach their current state. Do you deny the existence of Dinosaurs?

As for my own beliefs, it was an oversimplification. Religion, for me, is more complicated than that. I'm more of a show me type person. I have a hard time making a leap of faith for something that I cannot quantify. I want to believe...I do believe that there is a higher power and that Christ is likely our savior, but I am still developing my faith. I agree with the principles of most religions. The parallels between Buddhism and Christianity are interesting. With many overlapping teachings, it has been a struggle to find a particular faith. I might not ever, but until then, I'll continue to live by my own standards; by my own ideals and morality without feeling bad about myself.

As a parting shot regarding Evolution...sometimes cartoons can explain it all. Click on it to read it more easily...

Response to a comment

2006-09-26T13:03:00.000-04:00

My previous blog had a comment and I have a reply that is just to huge to fit there. So I moved it to here.

I have no problem with schools acknowledging Creationism. If they want to teach it in a comparative religions class or a theology class, then I am perfectly fine with it. I have no issue. But to present it as an alternative to evolution is silly. The earth is far older than 4-5k years due to the existence of coal, fossils, etc. The finches on the Galapagos are evolving, various skeletons found of prehistoric man...that can be proven. Show me the existence of God. Prove to me the existence of god. It can't be done. And therefore has no place in a science class to be presented as an alternative to evolution. I'm not saying that this isn't all god's plan, complete with evolution, I'm just saying that there is no scientific way to show it. That hasn't stopped me from believing in a higher power...I suppose you could call me an agnostic with Christian leanings.

As far as church and state, there is no specific provision in the Establishment Clause prohibiting creationism to be taught in schools. It is more the ideal and reason the bill of rights was written as such. If a state funded school presents Creationism in a science class that could be considered an endorsement of that particular religion. And that is against the 1st amendment. The primary writers of the amendment (Madison and to a lesser extent Jefferson) expressed the need for the separation of church and state. Madison went as far to say

"practical distinction between Religion and Civil Government is essential to the purity of both, and as guaranteed by the Constitution of the United States"

Admittedly it is open to interpretation, but rulings by the US Supreme Court and State Supreme Courts have ruled in favor of the separation.

And Steve you have a terrific singing voice.

Thank You Jeebus

2006-09-20T14:27:00.000-04:00

Sometimes there comes a point in your life when you unequivocably realize that there is a high power. That moment came about 2 minutes ago. In this heated Michigan Governors race, one of hte candidates needed to do something that separated his/herself from the other. Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you Dick DeVos, failed gubernatorial candidate..

Dick has announced that Intelligent Design should be taught alongside of Evolution in Michigan Public Schools. Un-freaking-likely. He wants the students to discern the facts among the different theories. And just how many facts are there from the Bible? No, I'll wait, go ahead and find me some.

“I would like to see the ideas of intelligent design — that many scientists are now suggesting is a very viable alternative theory — that that theory and others that would be considered credible would expose our students to more ideas, not less,” DeVos told the Associated Press this week during an interview on education.

Yeah, there's this little thing called science and another little thing called religion. Not exactly on equal plateaus. Oh and that little bit about the separation of church and state might just be in the way.

Thank you, Dick DeVos, I appreciate all you've done for this state. Now get the fuck out of politics.

Cut and run?

2006-09-14T11:47:00.000-04:00

The US is reducing its diplomatic presence in Syria after the terrorist attack on the US Embassy in Damascus. If this administration has taught us anything, something like this only emboldens the terrorists. In fact, some might say something like this lets the terrorists win.

This cannot be real...

2006-09-08T10:34:00.000-04:00

TV weatherman freaks out because of a cockroach...twice.

A bad day at McDonalds

2006-09-08T08:43:00.000-04:00

So Lions defensive line coach Joe Cullen got pulled over for driving in the nude. He was busted after going through a drive thru.

Can you imagine that exchange?

Cullen: Um, I'll have a Big Mac, an apple pie and a large shake.

Attentdant: Um, you want pants with that?

Dude, this is your first job in the NFL and you mess it up even before the regular season begins. Ooops.

Didn't see that coming...

2006-08-29T06:36:00.000-04:00

--How about that? John Mark Luke Michael Parked Karr didn't kill JonBenet. Shocking I know. Why couldn't they have saved us all the trouble and just run the DNA test in Asia? Seems like an awful lot of hassel just to get a free flight to the US.

--It's the 1st Anniversary for the Chocolate City. Congratulations. I heard Detroit City Councilman Kwame Kenyatta on WWJ this morning tell a rally in Nawlins that there needs to be a "Black Emergency Management Agency." No, there needs to be a well-run Federal Emergency Management Agency. This isn't about black or white, this is about mismanaged government. Sorry to tell you this Kwame, but white people aren't out to get black people anymore, that pretty much stopped 30 years ago. This wasn't some conspiracy to put down the black man, this was a government agency failing all people. So Kwame, why don't you get back to messing up Detroit and leave New Orleans alone, they already have enough problems.

--And since we're on the subject, I hate double standards. Minorities can get away with saying a lot more, especially on the subject of race. If L. Brooks Patterson had come out and said the exact same thing, he'd be expected to turn in his resignation. Although, Patterson turning in his resignation isn't a bad idea since he's a bit of a douchebag.

--There's trpical storm Ernesto bearing down on Florida. Oh no! A category 1 hurricane! Everybody run. Jeb has already declared a state of emergency. Every single storm that pops up now is going to get the 24/7 freak out. Thanks Katrina.

--Apparently Conan was really funny on the Emmy's the other night. I'm disappointed I didn't see his opening monologue. He spoofed Lost complete with him being in a crashing plane. So of course there's outrage. Yes, I'm aware that a plane crashed in Kentucky. Planes crash everyday and ALL of them are tragic. Not just the ones that kill more people. If you held back from doing any sort of possibly offensive comedy you'd end up with 150 different versions of Lifetime.

JonBenet and Other Pompously Named Dead People

2006-08-24T10:11:00.000-04:00

Boy, I don't know about you, but I can't get enough of this JonBenet thing. This is important news!

What's that you say? Warrentless wiretaps were deemed unconstitution? Syria doesn't want the UN on its border? North Korea is about to test a nuke?

Who the hell cares about Breaking News? Shut the fuck up and go back to your JonBenet coverage. I need to see the same 30sec of John Mark David Chapman Sirhan Sirhan Harvey Oswald Karr confess to the crimes again. I just gotta.

What is the fascination with this little girl? Ooooh, she's a rich little girl who was probably killed by her parents on Christmas. Big freaking deal. I'm sure somewhere in the US a black or latino girl was taken and could probably use the non-stop media coverage of her Amber Alert.

Newsflash: JonBenet has been dead longer than she was alive. The story is no longer relevant and less people care about than you think. Let that biatch Nancy Grace talk about it.

--What the hell is going on? Survivor stole my idea. They're breaking up the tribes along racial lines. Here's the reality show I suggested back in 2004.

3) Finally, we'll gather teams of 4 from every ethnic background imaginable
who'll compete various contests of skill, athletic ability, intelligence and
bravery to indeed discover which ethnicity should control the world. Winner gets
$10,000,000 and bragging rights. We'll call it The Amazing Race.

Yeah, pretty much the same idea right? Bastards! I want my money.

--Never saw this one coming...the lone survivor of the Sago Mine Disaster is suing. And he's pretty much named everyone except the governor of W Va. Might as well sue his dentist too. Should the man have all of his medical bills paid for? Absolutely. But he worked in the mine. He knew the risks. You mean to tell me that nobody, not him nor the people he worked with knew the equipment was faulty? C'mon. You picked a shitty job and you knew the consequences.

--I really hope people are seeing through the stupid ass ads being run by Dick Devos. you know the ones that quote editorials and columnists as actual news articles...what a joke. Gotta applaud him for calling out President Bush on him not meeting with the Big 3 Automakers though...

--I had diversity training on Monday. Yeah I know, you're shocked to hear that it was a Clear Channel sponsored event and that attendance was mandatory. It was mostly crap, but I have to say that the woman teaching it had her stuff together. Her name was Lisa Andrezejewski, but she pronounced her last name Ann-dress-key. I thought about all of that information and was immediately impressed. She somehow managed to find a way that eliminated "ze-jew" from her name. That takes skill and she proved herself much more diverse than I.

Sara and I are going camping this weekend including a 5-hour kayaking trip down the Kalamazoo river. Yay.

Photos from Vacation

2006-08-23T14:19:00.001-04:00

Pictures from Vacation...looks fun huh? Something big is in the works, but I can't say what it is yet. Don't want to jinx it.

Ah, Wilderness

2006-08-14T13:09:00.000-04:00

Had a nice 9-day vacation to the UP. It was fan-tastic. As soon as I find the cable that connects my camera to the computer, I'll post some pictures.

News and Notes

**Update**--Chris Robinson and Kate Hudson have split. Congratulations on beating the over/under of 6 months. Now Chris can get back to writing songs about drugs and sadness and not all of the happy shit that was on his solo albums and the last Black Crowes album.

--Oh so many things happening in the world right now, but I'll start with Boy George picking up trash in NYC. He's not making any friends. She's already got into a shouting match with the media. He keeps asking them if the really want to hurt him; see him cry.

--Over the weekend, 3 suspected terrorists were picked up with over 1000 cell phones in their van and an apparent plot to blow up the Mackinac Bridge. An attack on the bridge would be utterly devastating. Not to mention that it'd inconvenience literally dozens of people. I don't understand how 3 guys could get picked up for something that drunk Finalnders talk about doing every weekend.

--Jerry Springer, Joey Lawrence, Harry Hamlin and Mario Lopez are going to be on ABC's 'Dancing with the Stars'. Why don't they just change the name of the show to 'Flirting with Obscurity'?

--A student who was infected with AIDS from a 4 year relationship he had with his band teacher can sue to school district. He got touched by the teacher without reporting it, left and went to a different school for a year, but came back to that school, participated in band and then went to the teacher's apartment where he was given you drugs and alcohol and had sex with him. Yep, sounds like the school's fault to me.

--Ariel Sharon's health is deteriorating. How does a persistent vegetative state get worse? What did some drunk teenagers come over and write 'penis' on his forehead?

--PepsiCo has named a woman CEO. Diet Pepsi with Midol and Prozac to be realeased late this year.

--Home Shopping Network is set to announce their new "Shop by Remote Control" plan. The plan literally cuts in half the amount of calories used when shopping the old way.

--Hats off to Dick DeVos to naming a transexual his running mate. Even Madeleine Albright thinks she looks manly.

Hello, Goodbye

2006-07-28T10:47:00.000-04:00

So I come back for three straight days and then immediately ruin everything by going on vacation. The wife are headed up north to the cabin. So while the rest of you bitches swelter in 90+ degree heat, I'll at least be doing it in the lake. Suck it! Some quick headlines for the road...

Headlines:

U.N. Observers Leave Israel-Lebanon Border
Translation: Stop Bombing Us A-Holes
Flooding in Ohio Prompts Evacuations
Cleveland Mayor: "The City is cleaner than ever before."
Doctors Test Anti-Smoking Vaccine
Shot is 100% Heroin. Doctor: "Hey at least they won't die of lung cancer."
General: Taliban Can't Retake Afghanistan
General Prepares for His Transfer to the Department of the Obvious
July Hottest Month on Record in Germany
Increase in Temperature Blamed on Brazil's Soccer Fans
Microsoft to Show 'Arrested Development'
Deal said to be Huge Victory for Attorney Bob Loblaw
Chris Cornell to Record Bond Movie Theme
Working Title for the Song Said to be 'The Day I Tried to Live and Let Die"

Have a nice week and I'll see you all next Monday.

Bitch Fight Slap Fest

2006-07-27T07:50:00.000-04:00

The first salvo of the 2006 gubernatorial race has been fired. While watching the news last night, I just happened to catch Dick DeVos attack ad. The premise of the ad was to slam Granholm for her attack ads. Is it me or have there not been any attack ads by Jen-Jen? I mean I certainly see a lot more DeVos ads than I do ones for Granholm, but I still haven't seen any that attack DeVos. If she hasn't made one the DeVos is a genius. Most people don't pay attention to such things as well as I do, so if he has indeed used some sleight of hand here, then bravo. There's no way I'm voting for him, but I almost hopes he wins since I do a pretty good impression of him.

News and Notes

--Andrea Yates was acquitted in her retrial. I can't believe this needed a second trial. This should've been the exchange at here first trial:

Prosecutor: ...and killed her 5 children by drowning them in the bathtub an-
Jury: Not guilty.
Prosecutor: But these are only the opening arguments...
Jury: Don't care, she's nuts.
Prosecutor: Damn.

Honestly, when you first heard about this what was your first thought? I'm assuming it's gotta be pretty close to mine: "Holy shit, that bitch must be insane."

--Kid Rock and Pam Anderson Lee Anderson are getting married 4 times in 4 different places. Detroit, Nashville, France and California. They plan to celebrate their nuptuals with 4 divorces in September.

--A Brtish company has announced that their vaccine for the Bird Flu that no one is getting will be ready by next year.

--Animal rights activists have their panties in a bunch over a pub in Tasmania that lets customers pour bottles of beer down the throat of two resident pigs. If those damn hippies can think of a better way to make beer bratwurst then I'd like to see it.

--In the last couple of days both Exxon and BP have posted record profits for a quarter. What the hell? You know, it might all be a complete waste of time, but could Congress at least look into limiting profits? I know it's all sour grapes, because if I had the money, I'd be investing in oil...and plastics.

--The makers of Kazaa have agreed to pay $115M to the entertainment industry to settle global piracy lawsuits. What do you mean we didn't pay for those songs? What do you call having 8 different bits of spyware downloaded to your computer? If that's not some sort of payment I don't know what is.

--Al-qaida's #2 man, (he's really gotta change that nickname) Ayman al-Zawahri, has called for a holy war on Israel. A holy war? Wait, tell me when the old one stops. Obviously he's especially unfamiliar with Mideast events over the last 60 years or so.

--In an utterly shocking turn of events, Lance Bass from N'SYNC has reavealed that he is gay and that he is in a "very stable" relationship with a reality show star. Ryan Seacrest was unavailable for comment.

In case you're wondering what all the links are, click on them to find relevant information on the subject. Oh and they all pop.

Jesus Crisis

2006-07-26T10:16:00.000-04:00

Just like with any major news story, it's comforting to know that the major news outlets aren't trivializing the entire conflict into a couple of words that try to evoke fear and draw viewers....Right. Congratulations to "Crisis" on being the buzzword this time around.

MSNBC: "Mideast Crisis"

CNN: "Crisis in the Middle East"

ABC News: "Mid-east Crisis" (The hyphen adds drama)

Fox News: "Hezbollah Hates Freedom: Day 12"

Ok, the last one is made up, but you see my point. Why do networks feel the need to brand their coverage with a couple of words? Shouldn't everything change as the situation does? It'd make more sense if it did.

News and Notes

--Given yesterday's events, I'm starting a collection to send Bill O'Reilly over to Beirut and embedding him with some UN observers.

--Only in America could a company lose $3.2Billion in one quarter, still exceed Wall Street projections and have their stock go up. Well done GM! More layoffs for everyone! (In fairness, they would've made a 1.2B profit had it not decided to pay all of their restructuring costs)

--They figured out what made that boat tip over and kill all those old people. No it wasn't that it had 3x as many people on it than it should have, someone was passing out prune juice and early-bird special coupons on one side of the boat.

--Perennial attention whore Ariel Sharon is back in the news. Just when you thought he was dead. In America, you'd never see a comatose person get this much news coverage. Oh wait...well at least Sharon is getting out of the house. Just be glad Sharon doesn't have a creepy video of him in his persistent vegatative state to haunt your dream like Ms. Schiavo.

--Saddam Hussein has said he wants to be killed by firing squad if he gets sentenced to die. That seems reasonable. But any chance his last meal could be accompanied by back to back showing of "Little Man" and "John Tucker Must Die"?

--Speaking of "John Tucker Must Die", this looks like a terrible anti-male movie. Yeah guys are pigs. Duh. If you girls are too stupid to buy into a guy like that then you deserve everything you get. I definitely won't be checking this one out. Though I already am proposing a much more interesting movie. "John Holmes Must Die" Aren't you already intrigued? It could be about the small penised men of the world rising up (hehe get it) and taking out all the guys with big junk in order to decrease the average johnson size. It will star Michael Douglas in the role of a rich man overcompensating for something. This sounds great, I need to call my agent.

--Steely Dan is pissed at Owen Wilson and the writers of "You, Me and Dupree" because they say that Wilson's character (Dupree) was taken directly from one of their songs, "Cousin Dupree". Steely Dan wants Wilson to come and apologize to their fan before a concert. Wilson has said that he'll do no such thing, but does acknowlege that Kate Hudson's character is based on Rikki from "Rikki Don't Lose That Number" and that he'd be very happy to apologize for "Shanghai Knights."

That's it for now, I should really, really look into doing some work.

Oh yes, it's been a while...

2006-07-25T06:46:00.000-04:00

Yeah, it really has been a long time. Oh well. Been a little busy lately. My boss has been out with back problems for the last month and is finally returning today. Thank jeebus. That means I've had to pick up the slack and work extra unpaid hours to keep the ship righted. Excellent.

So here's some quick thoughts on things I might have missed:

--Israel vs Hezbollah 3: The Deadening. Ok, we get it, you hate each other. But enough of this half-assed pussy war. Stop the slap-fight and let's start doing some real damage, because if all you're going to do is fire rockets at each other, I'm not really interested.

--It's a fact: There were more civilians killed in Iraq during the last week than on either side of the Israeli/Lesbian "conflict." More US soldiers died than Israeli soldiers too.

--The evacuation of Americans out of Lebanon was so slow, New Orleans mayor Ray Nagin has already declared Beirut a "Chocolate City."

--The Taliban took back three towns in Afghanistan. This would be news if anyone could remember where Afghanistan was. Mission Accomplished.

--There were terrorist attacks in India. C'mon, attacking the trains at rush hour? In India? What did you just hit the "easy button?" Talk about your fish in a barrel terrorism.

--Al Gore needs to shut the hell up about global warming. It's getting hotter. We get it. I'm not saying I don't want some things changed and I that I particularly disagree, but Al, either run for president or fade into obscurity. People are going to think you've got CLS (Crazy Liberal Syndrome) And would anyone be surprised (I mean really surprised) if he used the profits of the movie to buy shares of Exxon.

--The Detroit Tigers are in first place. Who knew? And don't say you did. Everyone, and I mean everyone, thought they'd be lucky to finish .500. Sit down and shut up asshole, YOU DID NOT say they were going to the playoffs in April. If I hear one more person say that I'm stealing their ID and signing them up for the Marines.

--Anyone else think Dick DeVos has one of the strangest speech patterns ever? And I'm not sure he actually has a platform. Oh sure he's mentioned the small business tax, but all he does is pimp his website. He's like a 14-year-old girl who just discovered MySpace and absolutely has to tell everyone about it now OMGthisisthebestthingevar!!!

And now, Headlines:
23 Sailors Rescued From Listing Cargo Ship
In related news, 5 Sailors Rescued From Lisping Cargo Ship
In related related news, Production Begins for New Season of 'Queer Eye'
North Korea Lashes Out at Rice
CORRECTION: North Korea Lashes Out at Lice; You Can Understand Our Mistake
Japan to OK U.S. Beef Import Resumption
Cows Banned for Refusing to Sing 'Lola' in Karaoke Bar with Prime Minister
MySpace Outage Blamed on L.A. Power Loss
In related news, Millions of Child Predators Bored; Dateline: Thursday Canceled
'Super Size Me' Filmmaker Plugs Reality TV
Also, Sky Blue, Puppies Cute
David Hasselhoff: `I Don't Drink Anymore'
Kit: 'I'm so relieved.'
Drug Approved to Treat Rare Genetic Disease Hunter Syndrome
Also: Drug Approved to Treat Hunter Thompson Syndrome. Drug Said to Curb Mescaline Dependancy, Mumblings About 'Bat Country'
Jury Acquits Man of 'Handshake' Assaults
Surprsingly Not Related to Gang Activity (Happened in Mt. P)

Just so you all know, I've gone out of my way to start being less politically correct. I urge you all the same. Stop being a slave to what society says is a good or bad thing to say.

Quick Takes

2006-05-11T09:09:00.000-04:00

After fucking around with the Beta of Hotmail on my old e-mail account I came to one conclusion...Hotmail really sucks. So I'm not going to bother with it anymore. I had been using it for newsletters and other things, but I moved everything I had from my folders on there (mostly love letters to and from Sara from 1999) to my gmail account and won't look back.

And now it's gone. I closed out my account and will no longer have to access it. Microsoft made me fill out a survey and asked me why. One word reply: Firefox.

Maybe they'll get the message.

How cool would it be to be a reporter for the E3 Expo right now? So many video games, so little time. I'd end up having a seizure and drowning in my own drool. I know I'm not the only one who'd do that, they probably have a special section for it.

Anyone else wonder how long it will be before the next major scandal affecting the White House? Or are we at the point where it's just a constant 30-day countdown?

While working traffic takes little know how, I do tend to forget about it for a long time. Like right now when I should be going over the information, but I'm typing this.

Why does it bother me so much that people who are inherently dumb and untalented have progressed further than I have? Not just jobs, but pretty much everything. It's really annoying.

This week sucks...Rain and in the 50s? Bummer, but it's only really cutting down on my grilling time.

Headlines v4.18.6

2006-04-18T11:08:00.000-04:00

2 Duke Lacrosse Players Are Arrested
Innocent Until Its An Election Year
San Francisco Marks Earthquake Centennial
Pat Robertson Retroactively Blames it on Gays
Judge: Part of Aaron Spelling Case May Continue
Fortunately for Spelling, Nepotism Isn't a Crime
Hawaii May Honor Humuhumunukunukuapuaa
"Pat, I'd like to buy a vowel...a U." Sajak: "Ok, that will be $10,000. Would you like to solve?"
AP: States Omit Minorities' School Scores
No White Child Left Behind
Teen Held in Aruba to Appear Before Judge
Somewhere, Nancy Grace is Aroused
Greece Investigates Seized Antiquities
In other news, New Season of Antiques Roadshow Delayed
Robot Birth Simulator Gaining Popularity
Sarah Conner Goes Into Hiding
Bucks Get Taste of Playoff Excitement
What does it taste like? A First Round Loss
Julia Roberts Set for Broadway Debut
Roberts Says "Richard Gere and the Horse-faced Woman" is Not Autobiographical
Spielberg Joining China's Olympics Ceremony Team
Says It Will Be Good Research for "Indiana Jones and the Human Rights Violations"
McDonald's to Tout Healthier Menu Choices
Plan in Response to Outrage Over New "Deep Fried Vegetables" Value Menu

Headlines v1.7.6

2006-04-07T14:48:00.000-04:00

Senate Vote Shelves Immigration Bill
Shelves Reported to be Dusted by Illegal Immigrants
Judge Rules in Favor of 'Da Vinci' Writer
Finds that Both Books Suck, but in Their Own Way
Brad Pitt, Angelina Jolie in Namibia
Couple Supoosedly Looking for Lion, Witch, Wardrobe
Inmate Free After Serving 10 Years Extra
Said He Came For Rehabilitation, Stayed For the Food and Cable
Family Survives Utah Avalanche
Man, 12 Wives, 72 Children Said to be Fine.
Motorist Drives Through Crowd in Paris
Was On Way to Store to Buy Cheese, but Not Deodorant
Sex Angle Pushed by Online Game Makers
Critics Say Sex on the Internet Will Never Work
Britain Rolls Out Bird Flu Crisis Plan
Plan Includes a Lot of Screaming, Drinking Beer, Arguing Over Soccer
New Red, Blue Rings Found Around Uranus
People Urged to Look Before They Sit Down
Ancient Pyramid Discovered in Mexico
Temple Built to Impress the Gods of Bad Beer

The War on Christianity

2006-03-29T12:37:00.000-05:00

OK, I'm at work so I don't have a lot of time, but Tom DeLay just keeps cranking out the hits. He says there's a War on Christianity in this country? Hmm, you'd think it would be a one-sided war since Christians are a majority in this country.

"But in a sense, there always has been and always will be," he said. "Our faith
has always been in direct conflict with the values of the world. We are, after
all, a society that provides abortion on demand, has killed millions of innocent
children, degrades the institution of marriage and all but treats Christianity
like some second-rate superstition."

He's got it completely wrong. There's a war on religious fanaticism. And that's worldwide.

Despite those factors, DeLay said, "we have been chosen to live as Christians at
a time when our culture is being poisoned. ... God made us specifically for it.
... Jesus Christ himself made us just so that we could live in this nation at
this time."

Do you claim to know the will of God? How do you know God's plan for you? Was is God's plan for you to take that money?

Scarborough said DeLay had been "nearly destroyed in the press," and he made a
vague pitch for the conference participants to support DeLay in his general
election race in November. DeLay should not worry about it, however, he said:
"God always does his best work after a crucifixion."

A comparison of DeLay to Jesus. Well done. Nothing like comparing the suffering of our savior on an actual cross to a supposed liberal media bias. Classy.

Check out the entire story at the Houston Chronicle.

Dead Again

2006-03-28T12:54:00.000-05:00

Arrested Development is dead. Mitch Hurwitz the Executive Producer decided it was for the best.

As long as they don't touch Boston Legal I'll be ok.

You get that thing I sent you?

2006-03-21T08:36:00.000-05:00

Budget constraints have forced the FBI into not giving all agents .gov e-mail addressed.

"As ridiculous as this might sound, we have real money issues right now, and the
government is reluctant to give all agents and analysts dot-gov accounts," Mark
Mershon said when asked about the gap at a New York Daily News editorial board
meeting.

Are you serious?

The war in Iraq gets a rubber stamp, but the FBI can't afford e-mail addresses? Isn't this the kind of thing that lead to the intelligence failures of 9/11.

Why wouldn't Bush consider funding the FBI to be more important than other things? What's more important, invading other countries to stop terrorists, or stopping terrorists in this country?

Makes you almost think that this war doesn't have a lot to do with stopping terrorists...

The end is near...

2006-03-20T13:03:00.000-05:00

Just watching Bush's speech in Cleveland...

Woman: Do you believe the war in Iraq/terror is the beginning of the Apocalypse?

Bush: I was deeply affected by September 11. It is my duty to protect this country...blah, blah, blah...

Hilarious. What a question. Better answer. Got a question you don't know how to answer?

Use 9/11.

He's brought it up an awful lot today. More than usual. Typical.

Praise Be to Allah!

2006-03-01T12:00:00.000-05:00

Arrested Development was picked up by Showtime. 26 episodes have been ordered.

Bitchin'.

Clueless & Mammal Toe

2006-02-24T10:08:00.000-05:00

Hypothetical:
Lets say you're a governor of a large midwestern state. A newsprogram contacts you about doing a segment regarding your controversial bill making it mandatory for pharmacies to prescribe emergency contraceptive. Wouldn't you, or one of your staff, maybe want to watch the program first?

Apparently not, if you're Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich. He was interviewed by Jason Jones of The Daily Show and didn't know they did fake news. Oops.

How can you not know? It's not as though TDS has been flying under the radar lately. I mean you do usually get press when the host is selected to host the Oscars. Or you win a Peabody.

Who the hell advises this guy? Blagojevich is a democrat. How can you not know about the most entertaining, liberal show on TV? Weird.
______________

At the Palace last night there was a fairly interesting halftime show. I'll let you go check out what Big Matt (pops) had to say about it.

Here's my response to him...I'll post it here for now since CC's open proxys won't let me leave a comment on his site.

And you didn't call me? If I'd known you were there I would've included you in on the text messages I was sending to Albert. I tried to take a picture with my cell, but apparently Motorola doesn't allow homoerotic pictures to be taken. So that means this phone is useless to fraternities.
I saw man pouch. That is not cool.
Russ

Heroic Headlines

2006-02-23T14:47:00.000-05:00

This has been brewing for a while...

The Detroit Pistons have been honoring "Michigan Heroes" for the last couple of years. Most of them are legitimate. Generally we see soldiers home from Iraq, people who have made an outstanding difference in the community, etc.

Last week they honored a woman. We found out her backstory via a taped message from her husband, a soldier still stationed in Iraq. He cited her heroism in taking care of their 2 young children while he was away and her saving 6 people from drowning in Lake Superior.

Oh wait. I made up that last part. She didn't save anyone from drowning. She's just a single mom. That's it. Her husband is facing life and death every day in a foreign country while she babysits.

Does she have to endure more than many? Absolutely. I cannot imagine what it must be like to have a loved one put in danger like that for months at a time.

Her situation is unfortunate, but she's not a hero. That's life. To endure does not a hero make.

My main issue isn't with her I'm sure she didn't ask to be honored. Why did the Palace choose to honor someone like this? She still has a husband. That isn't the case with so many families across Michigan, so why honor someone whose husband is still alive.

It's a typical self-serving PR move for PS&E. Someone has to be honored, so you might as well make it Patriotic.

Sara has been doing well on her midterms, she's a hero.

I work 2 jobs and have a long commute, I'm a hero.

Where is my plaque?

Headlines:
Soldier Acquitted in Afghan Prisoner Abuse
In Related News, Personal Accountability Hits Four-Year Low
Teen Is Shot Four Times at Oregon School
Jeremy Spoke in, Spoke in Class Today
South Dakota Closer to Strict Abortion Limits
Will Also Amend State Slogan: "Come for Mt. Rushmore, Stay for an Abortion"
China Claims 400M Mobile Phone Users
Number Now Rivals Amount of Human Rights Violations
My Morning Jacket, Moe. Get Jammy Nods
Winners Get Bag of Pot, Pizza
Mike Wallace Gives Notes to University of Michigan
Includes Musings On How-To "Bag That Hottie Lesley Stahl"
Former 007 Defends Daniel Craig
Sadly for Craig it's Roger Moore
NYC Dance Troupe Leader Exposed to Anthrax
Calls Scott Ian a "Genius"
Spanish Woman Has 15-Pound Baby
In related news, Spain Now Home to 3 of the World's Largest Caves

Short Headlines v2.8.6 & Short Rants

2006-02-08T10:39:00.000-05:00

Islamic Groups Call for End to Riots
Took Only 4 Days; Mohammed Apparently Preaches Peace, Not Timeliness
Mariah Carries the Momentum Into Grammys
Momentum is Hard to Stop When You Weigh 180 Pounds
Coach to Face NHL in Gambling Probe
Knew When to Hold Them, Fold Them; Will Get 2 Minutes for Roughing
Glenn Close, Former Biotech Exec. Marry
In a Dyslexic Moment I Read That as: Glenn Close, Former Ex-Beotch Marry
Rare Chlamydia Strain Infecting Gay Men
World Awaits Next Retarded Comment by Pat Robertson
Teen Using Restroom Falls Out Bus Window
Teen: "If I hadn't just gone I would've pissed myself."

Rants:
Fucking Comcast. Just when I thought they had turned the corner and ended up being a worthwhile company they had to go and break my heart. A couple of weeks ago I was flipping through the channels and what do my eyes behold? The Greatness that is the NFL Network. I sobbed at the meer sight of Rich Eisen and cried happy tears that something so rich (pun intended) in quality could be delivered to my house 24 hours a day. Yesterday it was taken from me. No reason given. I called Comcast and they disavowed all knowledge of it. This wasn't like those few short hours of porn that descrambled when I was a kid...NFLN looked like it had staying power. And now it's gone. Bastards!!!!

So the Grammy's are now honoring some legendary band/person every year. Great. Some of them are well deserved since the award show tends to only honor the bands with a lifetime achievement award after they've died or stopped playing. Not to mention that they usually didn't receive a Grammy at the time they were popular.

Once you figure out who you want to honor, all you have to do is decide who is going to provide the tribute. This year it's Sly and the Family Stone that is receiving the reward. Definitely a good choice and one of my favorite bands. So who would they get to sing their songs? John Legend and Will.I.Am? Good choices. Maroon 5 and Joss Stone? Are you fucking kidding me? Over-played band with no discernable style relating to S&TFS and a white chick with a decent voice that only attains success because she rips off other people's hits. Here's an idea, Sly Stone is still alive! Get him to sing instead. There are other members of the band who aren't dead, maybe they'd be a good choice. Maroon 5 should barely get a spot in honoring Knee Deep Shag (who they sound an awful lot like) more or less Sly Stone. And there are millions of women out there with a better voice than JS, but she happens to be cute, young and white so she'll get all the money. There's a Pistons game tonight and I'll be working it, but it wouldn't matter; I haven't watched that musical crapfest since Jack and Meg made the Kodak Theater explode during "Death Letter" a couple of years ago.

A Religion of Peace?

2006-02-02T10:51:00.000-05:00

Yesterday a French Newspaper fired an Editor because they reprinted a cartoon (from a Danish newspaper) depicting the Islamic Prophet Allah as a caricature. Islamic tradition prohibits any depiction of Allah, in order to prevent idolatry. Of course, there was massive outrage. Palestinian gunmen jumped the wall of a European Union office in Gaza City on Thursday and demanded an apology and masked gunmen briefly took over an EU office in Gaza on Monday.

I understand outrage.

I understand outrage as it pertains to religion.

I understand outrage over blasphemy.

But why does it seem that everything that goes against the muslim religion in any way is met with violence? Yes, there were calls for boycotts. Strong statements were issued. But shouldn't that be the extent of it? One member of the Syrian Hizbollah blamed the cartoons on Muslims not killing Salman Rushdie. Saying that if Rushdie had been killed no one would've dared speak negatively about Islam.

In every other religion, a negative cartoon or book would probably be met with either indifference or some level of anger. Never (at least in this century) with violence. While the Pope is more of a figurehead/CEO than a religious leader, you don't see him calling for anyone to be killed.

Islam is supposed to be a religion of peace, so why when a cartoon essentially expresses that muslims or the Islamic religion is a ticking time bomb ready to go off, do they make the cartoonists point?

I want to believe that Islam is peaceful, that the violence seen on the Evening News is only an aberration, but with the many conflicts of the middle-east and the constant barrage of negativity spewing from that region, it's becoming hard to keep that view.

Bonus Headlines
Punxsutawney Groundhog Sees His Shadow
Predicts 6 More Weeks of Fluff Journalism
Teen Shoots Up Mass. Gay Bar, Police Say
Tried to Start a Nuclear War at the Gay Bar, Gay Bar
Robertson Explains On-Air Statements
Blames Calling for Assassinations, Death of People on Ad-libbing. Seriously.
N.Y.-Bound Puppies Used As Drug Couriers
I Guess You Could Call Them Im-Pound Puppies.*
In Most Expensive Turkish Movie Ever, Americans Kill Innocents
Feel Stupid When They Realize They Could've Just Rented 'Platoon'**
Destiny's Child to Sing at NBA Game
Death, Taxes and now Destiny's Child Reunions the Only Things Certain in Life

*Anyone who'd do this to a puppy is maybe the worst person who's ever lived.

**This movie stars Billy Zane and Gary Busey,

Headlines v2.1.6

2006-02-01T11:46:00.000-05:00

Iran Leader Vows to Resist 'Bully' Nations
Tired of Having Lunch Money Stolen, Yellow Cake Taken
U.N.: Polio Eradicated in Egypt, Niger
Wheelchair Sales Plummet
Polish Collapsed Hall Designer Attempts Suicide
Taken to Hospital to be Treated for Burns After Putting Head in Electric Oven
Georgian Lawmakers Brawl During Debate
Further Proof that Deciding Which Vodka is Best Should be Left to Federal Govt, Boris Yeltsin

I injured myself while chopping up vegetables the other day. Most people only slice a finger when this happens. Not me. I managed to stab myself in the leg.

How does this happen you ask? Well I was about to put some red pepper in the crockpot for chili when I accidentally bumped the knife on the counter. It slid off the edge and right down into my calf. Didn't hurt much. Just bled.

I think I am the only person in the world this could happen to. Oh wait....

Funny thing is, this probably wouldn'tve happened if I hadn't got the super-sharp knives I wanted for X-mas.

Cindy Sheehan just needs to take a big drink from Shut the Fuck Up Lake. OK I understand your pain. We all hate the war in Iraq, but to try and sneak in a banner to display during the State of the Union Address is plain old retarded. You accomplished nothing. You are not a martyr. Even if you have the best of intentions and a great message, all of that is lost when you keep making yourself look like Margot Kidder on a good day. Reports are that you want to run for Senate. Great idea. I think that has about as much chance for success as K-Fed's followup single.

So rumor has it that many celebrties are staying away from Detroit because it's cold and it's well, Detroit. How bad is it getting? Lucy Liu is currently touring earthquake-torn Pakistan. C'mon, Lucy, Detroit ain't all that bad. At least (very least) Jimmy Kimmel has seen the light. Good for him.

Headlines v1.24.6

2006-01-24T09:40:00.000-05:00

Investigator: U.S. 'Outsourced' Torture
Al-Quaeda to Outsource Terrorism
Poor Work Performance Blamed on Internet
That's Total Bullshit..Wait, Where am I Again?
Man Has Cardiac Arrest at Cardiologist Ball
Convenient? Yes. Ironic? No. Maybe if he Was Listening to 'Barracuda' on his iPod
FBI Uncovers Post-Katrina Fraud
Really, What Did You Expect From Those People? And by Those People I Mean Republicans
Female NYC Cabbie Blogs About Being a Hack
Blog Almost Interesting, Just Like This One
Archeologists Unearth 1,300 Skeletons
All Came From Tom Cruise's Closet
Bush Defends 'Terrorist Surveillance'
Goes to Show You One Man's 'Terrorist Surveillance' is another man's Unconstitutional Spying
O'Connor Breaks Tie in Possible Last Vote
Sides With Liberals, Chooses Chinese for Lunch

I don't watch 'American Idol.' I take that back, I don't watch the competition part. the best part of the show for me isn't the endless string of soundalikes, it's the freaks. Somehow people who are completely blind to their own talents, or lack thereof, stand in line for hours to endure the humiliation usually left for rushing college fresman. We've seen tone-deaf girls, a guy who looked like he was singing with a seizure and the most androgynous of people.

It's the latter that has the Gay and Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation (GLAAD) angry. When a person came out looking female (sortof) and sounding male (sort of) Randy Jackson innocuously asked, "are you a girl?" Something I think is a legitimate question.

Now that doesn't sound so bad does it? I mean if someone had bothered to ask Pat that on Saturday Night Live that skit probably wouldn't have lasted long enough to spawn a movie. Sometimes I think organizations such as GLAAD (NAACP, PETA, Greenpeace etc.) have a hard time picking their battles. I think they are overly sensitive to some things and cry foul at even the slightest hint of inpropriety.

Of course I do think GLAAD had a point when they criticized Simon Cowell for telling male contestant/tone deaf person to wear a dress. It was meant to be malicious and made light of the person's sexuality.

Most of these organizations make good points, I just wish they wouldn't bitch so much and come off sounding like whiny bitches all the time.

Headlines for Some Reason

2006-01-09T13:38:00.000-05:00

Democrats Vow Tough Questioning of Alito
Republicans Vow to Find Alito's Favorite Color, Food
Israeli Leader Sharon Moves Hand, Leg
Still Several Moves Short of Completing the Hokey Pokey
Howard Stern Makes Debut on Satellite
With No FCC Regulations, Porn Stars Now Able to Get Naked on Radio
Man Chooses Girlfriend Over Elvis
Surprising Turn Around for "40-Year-Old Virgin" Inspiration
Don King Teams Up With Legal Nemesis
Together They Plan to Take On King's Hairstylist
'Hostel' Terrorizes Box Office Rivals
'Munich' Does Same
Utah Theater Cancels 'Brokeback Mountain'
Replaces it with Independant 'Polygamy: It's Not Cheating, Honest!!!"
Longoria Helps Chrysler Show Off Cars
Cars, Headlights Said to be Impressive, Natural Looking
Expert Blames Dog Disease for Wolf Decline
Disease is Leading Cause of Death in Dogs Next to Korean Restaurants, Honda Civics

Does anyone read this thing anymore?

Just wondering...

Bye 2005, Hello 2006

2006-01-03T11:19:00.000-05:00

So 2005 is over. Who cares? It's not really a big deal to me anymore. Oh sure a few years ago it was another excuse to go out and have a good time, but now it seems overhyped. Saturday night was spent with the Mrs. and we had a good time watching TV (can you say Scrubs marathon?) and sipping a bit of the bubbly. Sure, it would've been fun to go to the Barthlow party if we'd lived closer, but with cops out in full force, there was no way I was driving a car with even a hint of alcohol in my system.

The New Year's shows were as dumb as they always are, but ESPN's was classic. They have Stuart Scott and Damon Jones (yes the former Piston) out in the cold. You can imagine that banter going well.

Jones: It's cold.
Scott: Times Square is hoppin' tonight. Booyah.
Jones: Yeah, it's great.
Scott: (some unintelligible slang) Booyah.

They talked of an upcoming performance by Ok Go, a group Stuart Scott listens to on a regular basis I'm sure, and two lines into the song they go to commercial. T-Riffic.

At least the New York Dolls played. Buster Poindexter looked creepier than ever. I got to hear half of "Personality Crisis" before they cut the song short. Then it was time for the countdown, then SportsCenter.

Much love to ABC for bringing Dick Clark back. Yeah, I realize that him not being there last year because of a stroke was too bad, but don't bring him back to host. Please. It's sad.

If I wanted to see people talk like retards I'd go out and watch The Ringer or find a Life Goes On marathon on TV Land. Clark was not well and it was more than obvious. I expected Ed McMahon to pop out any second and jokingly tell us that it was all a Practical Joke. Instead we got about a 30min Blooper reel. Even with his impediments, you could still understand him better than Stu Scott (can I get a witness from the congregation?)

I hope Dick makes a full recovery (or gets a software upgrade, whatever theory you subscribe to) and is able to return next year. But please, please don't put him back on TV until he's at least 80%. It's way too depressing.

Messed Up and Messy

2005-12-21T14:26:00.000-05:00

I have neither the time nor the energy to do a full post, but I thought I'd bring this to your attention.

Letterman Lawyers Fight Restraining Order

Was it on some crazy person? Oh no, it's been brought against Letterman by a crazy person. How did Letterman harass her? Mind bullets. Gestures. The lifting of an eyebrow. The woman claims that when Letterman jokingly proposed to Oprah the other night he was actually talking to the her.

Right.

Study Documents Menopause in Gorillas

Oh sweet Jesus. Thank God we got this information out there. I'm not sure my life would've had meaning if I hadn't read this. Thankfully for the gorillas having to pluck a hairy lip isn't an issue, but unfortunately hot flashes do sometimes result in spontaneous gorilla combustion.

Although, they are pretty stoked about not having to use gorilla tampons and gorilla maxi pads anymore. Bring on the gorilla hormones.

Ford is Fabulous

2005-12-16T12:32:00.000-05:00

Ford is gay. So very very gay. When I think of Ford I think hot oily gay sex.

Or at least that's what the American Family Association wants you to think. The AFA is once again considering calling for a boycott against FoMoCo because *gasp* they want to advertise in gay publications.

Can you believe it? Ford actually wants those disgusting heathens to buy their automobiles. Ridiculous. I think by advertising in those magazines Ford is clearly sending a message. And that message is that they love gay people. Or at least that's what the AFA thinks.

"We had an agreement with Ford, worked out in good faith. Unfortunately, some Ford Motor Co. officials made the decision to violate the good faith agreement," AFA Chairman Don Wildmon said in a news release. "We are now considering our response to the violation and expect to reach a decision very soon."

Yes, how dare Ford break a good faith agreement with an uber-conservative religious group. I mean shouldn't they run all important decisions through the AFA? Imagine this conversation:

Ford: Hey AFA, we're going to lay off some workers?
AFA: Are any of them gay?
Ford: Uh, probably.
AFA: Sweeeet!

Ford got right into advertising the Jaguar in The Advocate, a magazine so gay it's even bi-weekly.

But I suppose the AFA was trying to do Ford a favor.

"All we wanted was for Ford to refrain from choosing sides in the cultural war, and supporting groups which promote same-sex marriage is not remaining neutral," Wildmon said."

Yes because Ford is clearly choosing sides by advertising in a publication. Then again, wouldn't Ford be choosing a side if they listened to the AFA and not advertised?

But at least the AFA is correct about one thing: This is a cultural war. It's intolerance vs intelligence and as long as groups like the AFA have influence, we'll know which side is losing.

Arrested Development: Resurrection

2005-12-14T12:41:00.000-05:00

Showtime is apparently looking into picking up one of the best shows on television. Yay.

Of course having only basic cable means that I still won't be able to watch it. Oh Well. I was probably going to end up buying it on DVD anyway.

Headlines:
Iranian Leader Calls Holocaust a 'Myth'
Also Refers to Gravity as 'Dark Magic' and that the Moon 'Looks Like Tasty Cheese'
'Katrina' Dolphins to Go to Bahamas
Meanwhile Katrina Victims to Go to Unempolyment Office. Priorities.
Carey to Play Times Square on New Year's Eve
And By Play They Mean Climb Atop a Building to Swat Down Airplanes; Find Faye Wray
Missouri Reservoir Breach Washes Away Homes, Cars
Total Losses Expected to be in the Thousands
Amish Man Lost Thousands in Sex Scam
Police Slow to Respond When They Couldn't Read Message for Help Scrawled on Horse
Funeral Turns Into Anti-Syrian Protest
If Only My Wake Could be as Lovely
China to Start Manned Lunar Program by 2017
Where Else Are They Going to Put All Those People?
Peru's 'Mermaid' Baby Recovering Well
Parent's Eric and Ariel said to be 'Very, very relieved'
MTV, Microsoft to Develop Online Music Service
Service Allows Users to Play Same 3 Songs Over and Over for 3 Months
Dylan to Host XM Satellite Radio Show
Said to be 5 Minutes of Unintelligble Chatter Followed by Music; Just Like Regular Radio
Bono Dines With Jesse Helms Before U2 Show
Please Return Your Trays to Their Original Upright Position as Bono Begins His Descent From Jumping the Shark
Experts to Create Genetic Map of Cancer
Study: Men Especially Freaked Out Over Cancer That Begins Below the Equator
Virgin Spaceport to Be Built in New Mexico
Said to Be First Step Towards Nerd Space Travel
Idaho Officer Finds Live Deer in Car Trunk
Deer Mafia Suspected

Headlines v10.11.5

2005-11-11T14:25:00.000-05:00

Beijing Unveils Mascots for 2008 Olympics
Said to be Cross Between 'Hello Kitty' and 'Super Fun Happy Flashing Action Robots'
Poll: Most Americans Doubt Bush's Honesty
Poll: Most Americans Were Admittedly 'Retarded' This Time Last Year
Woman Robs Banks While on Her Cell Phone
Sheriff: "At Least She Wasn't Driving"
Pat Robertson Warns Pennsylvania Town of Disaster
Resident: "Watching the 700 Club, now there's a disaster"
Expert: Suicide-Bomb Couple May Be a First
Husband: Wife, what do you want to do today?
Wife: Let's go blow up some infidels!
Husband: Ok, but do I still get the 40 virgins?
Wife: Like I can tell you what you can and can't do...
Missing Oregon Girl's Parents Relieved
Nancy Grace Forced to Talk About Something Other Than a Missing White Girl
Senior Citizen Bloggers Defy Stereotypes
Still Manage to Complain About Violence on TV, Kids on Lawn
Connery Honored by American Film Institute
When Asked for Comment Connery Only Replied 'I'll take the penis mightier for $100 Alex.'
Lemur Species Named After John Cleese
Scientists Cite Lemur's Long Legs, Silly Walk as Reason for Honor
Scientists: Sleepy Students Perform Worse
Taxpayers: No Shit Sherlock
Evidence of Huge Ancient Crocodile Found
Find Said to First of Its Kind in New York Sewer System
Man Glued to Toilet Passes Polygraph Test
Note to Self: Gluing Butt to Toilet Seat Good Way to Beat Polygraph Test
Nebraska Residents Want Smelly Pile Gone
Just One More Insult to the Once Proud Nebraska Football Team

Headlines v10.28.5

2005-10-28T10:40:00.000-04:00

Attack Ads, Facials Have Voters Talking as Race Nears End
After Loss, Kilpatrick to Fall Back on Porn Career; Release 'Kwame Does Detroit'
Source: Rove Won't Be Indicted Today
Christmas Will Not Come Early This Year
Iranians Stage Anti-Israel Demonstrations
The Tehran Tourism Board Wants You to Make Iran Your Vacation Destination!
(Unless you are American, Jewish, European or Female)
Pope Condemns Human Trafficking for Sex
What Next? I Suppose He'll Say Killing People is Bad Now Too
Brooke Shields Pregnant With Second Child
Scientologists Protest; Put Tom Cruise, Katie Holmes on Offensive
Mars to Swing Close to Earth This Weekend
Martians Plan Attack on Northeast; Love Shorter Commute
'Star Trek' Actor George Takei Comes Out
Shocking! Shocking I Tell You...

Given my previous post, it should come as no shock that Bush gave a speech talking about terrorists planning a new attack. Nothing specific, just more bland rhetoric. It's not like there's anything else happening today that he might want to take the focus off...oh wait. Scooter Libby is going to get indicted. Hopefully he'll roll on everyone else. That'd be sweet.

Quick Hits

2005-10-19T14:15:00.000-04:00

Monday driving home from work I pulled in behind a van with several pro-God messages on the back, which is fine. If someone wants to use their car as a tool for expressing their belief in a higher power, that's cool with me. Freedom of speech and all that.

But one of the stickers caused me to nearly run them off the road. It stated "Abortion Causes Breast Cancer." Now if you want to say that you are Pro-Life please do so. I disagree with that viewpoint, but again, I have no right to tell you to stop spreading that particular message. But to outright lie, when you have so openly expressed your views on religion and the Bible is so unbelievably hypocritcal.

I suppose it is the culture that we live in. If our government can manufacture evidence as causation for war, while supposedly living by God's rules, what chance does truth on a bumpersticker have? Hypocrisy, I suppose, is part of the game. Especially when there are so few people in the media that will really go after the government's inconsistencies.

Speaking of which, something of note which I meant to mention last week was a report by the show Countdown with Keith Olbermann.(Link goes to show's blog w/report) It goes over the very interesting parallels between news stories that are potentially damaging to the Bush administration and the raising of the terror alert level (and other terror related events/announcements). Last summer during the Democratic National Convention, when the Dems were getting so much airtime, they released the a terror warning putting financial centers in the Northeast on alert. It seemed to me at the time that this seemed well timed. Of course it was all crap and nothing ever came of it.

It was nice to see Countdown put all of these "coincidents" into the show. You can draw your own conclusions, but it does seem a little fishy. As some of you know, I think Countdown is one of the best news programs on television. While it can't match Nightline in total "hard news" performance, it gets high marks for presentation and covering a broad spectrum of news. Plus Olbermann's sarcastic delivery greatly increases the entertainment value.

Speaking of Olbermann how terrible has SportsCenter (his old program for those of you cavebound in the 90's) become? Almost unwatchable. It's all flash and little substance. I used to watch to get updated on the day's sports. Now, they cover a couple of things HARD and gloss over the rest. It seems so self-important when they over do the graphics/wipes/teases. The hosts certainly come across as overindulgent, taking a concept that SC had nearly perfected in the early 90's and turned it into a circus of catch-phrases and one-liners. Just cover the damn story. Hype isn't needed.

Well this rant ran the gamut. From anti-abortion bumperstickers to ESPN's SportsCenter. Kevin Bacon would be proud.

Uh oh, "Total Eclipse of the Heart" is playing over the speakers here at the station.

I have to go cry.

Headlines v10.18.5

2005-10-18T14:00:00.000-04:00

Wilma Now a Hurricane, May Threaten Florida
May Reduce Keys to Pebbles, Rubble
Scientists Study Gorilla Who Uses Tools
Loves New Swiffer WetVac, 'Home Improvement' Reruns
Students Increasingly Relying on Loans
Husbands Everywhere Pick Up 3rd Broadcasting Job to Make Ends Meet
Jailed Reporter Miller Seeks Shield Law
Can Afford to Lobby Cogress with Book Deal Money
Denmark's Newborn Prince Makes Appearance
Michael Jackson was Brought in to Dangle Him Over Balcony
Judge Reinstates Tom Sizemore's Probation
Orders him to Stay Away from Drugs and Video Cameras
Chinese Rejoice at Return of Space Mission
Congratulations to China for Doing What Everyone Else Accomplished 50 Years Ago
D.C. Zoo Panda Cub Gets a Name: Tai Shan
In other news, Tayshaun Prince Changes Name to Panda
After Burger King Crash, Man Parks, Eats
Now That's What I Call a Drive Thru!!!! (sorry)
Photog Wins Appeal in Kidman Bugging Case
Kidman Having Apparently Just Gotten Off a Motorcycle, Looks on Stunned

Yeah, so I'm back to doing this. I think. The computer at work hasn't F'd up today so maybe I can start doing this everyday again. Just had the 1-year anniversary for the site. AND my 10,000 hit. Super. Anyway, I still want to change the layout, but who knows when I'll have time for that.

Breaking News: Shock Level Rasied to 'Oh My God'

2005-09-28T13:30:00.000-04:00

Tom Delay indicted.

World will end in a couple of hours when a flying pig crashes to earth.

Unbelievable.
_______________

Since my cousin Sara brought this to my attention and to everyone else's via the comments section, I'll post it here.

A couple of articles of talking about how a guy we went to High School with has been trying diligently to inform his superiors, and ultimately human rights organizations as well as senators, of prisoner abuses in Afghanistan. The guy's name is Ian Fishback.

Ian was an interesting guy in HS. We were friends mostly becaquse we hung out with the same people. I was better friends with his sister who graduated with Sara (the original Sara McNamara, my cousin, not my wife--But Ian did graduate with my wife, Sara. confused?) and I. His goal, it seemed, was to be in the army. He wrestled, ran X-C, played football but excelled only at academics. He wasn't a great athlete, but he worked a lot harder than everyone else. In HS, Ian was the guy on your team who the coached pointed to and said "if you had half the heart this guy does..." He was an example. Much like he is now. That's why when Sara posted these stories, I wasn't even surprised. Who other than Ian would have the guts to come forward publicly to put his ass, not to mention his career, on the line?

According to these articles, no one.

Once again Ian is setting the curve for everyone else, as a human being and as an American.

Well done Ian.

_______
I feel bad about making fun of him for his seemingly undying love of carrot sticks.
Oh well, everyone already knows I'm an asshole anyway.

Headlines v9.28.5

2005-09-28T10:45:00.000-04:00

Giant Squid Photographed for First Time
Was Having Dinner With Nessie
First Lady Makes Her Reality TV Debut
Set to be on 'Extreme Photo-ops: Hurricane Edition'
The $10 Bill Is Ready for Its Makeover
Bill Designed by Five Men, All Gay; Hamilton Wears Polyester, Holds Man Purse in Portrait
New Orleans Police Chief Resigns
One Day After Criticizing 200+ Cops That Quit During Hurricane
Ex-Teacher Testifies in Evolution Case
Says This Trial, School Board Proves Case Against 'Intelligent Design'
Arkansas Clinic Offers Free Abortions
Hell, if it's Free I'll Get One; If Only to Piss Off The Right
Iraq's First Female Suicide Bomber Strikes
Now That's Equality; One More Step to Getting Them The Vote
Gazprom to Buy Sibneft Stake for $13.01B
The Price of Made Up Words is Increasing; 'Gorbnork' Cost Me $2.1 Million
ID Chip Helps Morgue Track Katrina Victims
In Other News, Corpses Moving on Their Own; George Romero Plans 1st Documentary
Purported al-Qaida Newscast Makes Debut
In Other News, Fox News: Middle East Starts This Week; Geraldo to Host
Sports Back on Capitol Hill Over Steroids
Thankfully, Nothing Else Going on in U.S. Worth Discussing; Democracy Hits Absolute Zero
Carey to Perform at American Music Awards
Carey Plans to Wow Crowd by Singing, Eating Sandwich
Tupac Penned Screenplay Being Produced As a Film
Now That's a Corpse That Needs a Tracking ID Chip
Singleton to Get 'Behind the Lens' Award
Somehow Making One Good Movie Qualifies as Having an Excellent Directing Career
Report: Illegal Immigration Has Increased
I'm Glad the Terrorists are in Iraq; No one Would Ever Think of Buying a Plane Ticket to Mexico and Sneaking Across Our Under Defended Borders. Nope, Never. But...
Negroponte Says Terror Database Is Working
So Once The Terrorists Are in the Country, We'll Be Able to Find Them if They Get Pulled Over for Speeding or Shoplifting Some Tabouli

Headlines v9.22.5

2005-09-22T04:00:00.000-04:00

Crippled Jet Lands Safely at L.A. Airport
Frustrated to See All Handicapped Spaces Taken Upon Arrival
Car Hits Pedestrians, Kills 1 in Las Vegas
Talk About Your Luck Running
Mexican Soccer Coach Free After Kidnapping
After 3 Long Months, Family Decides to Pay the 3 Chalupa Ransom
Moss Loses Two Jobs After Cocaine Reports
In Other News, World Shocked to Learn Models Use Drugs
Tyra Banks Proves Breasts Are Real on TV
Live Sonogram Shows They Are Real and Made of 100% Pure Uncut Heroin
Ed McMahon Tours Country in Carson Tribute
Tour Nearly Cancelled After Proclaiming "Heeeere's Johnny" and Wheeling a Casket On-stage
Nelly to Make Reality TV Show
Show Will Include Non-sensible Lyrics and a Different Cohost Every Week
FDA OKs Breast Implants Under Conditions
Under the Condition that They Get Pictures of the Finished Product
Study: Women's Hands Cleaner Than Men's
Of Course They Get Cleaner After Doing the Dishes, Laundry, Making Dinner...
Mars Orbiter Spots Changes on Red Planet
Discovers New Starbucks Opening Across the Streat From a Starbucks
Displaced Dolphins Rescued From Open Water
Poor Things Have Been Swimming Around in the Ocean for 2 Weeks; The Horror
Indian Ruins Show Signs of Ancient Tsunami
Archeologists Confirm the Finding of Sally Struthers Footprints
Bush Honors Mothers of Military Dead
This Couldn't Have Anything to do with Cindy Sheehan Coming to Town Could it? Nah...
Condoms Are Named for Clinton, Lewinsky
After Use, Condoms are Meant to be Stored in Closet for Later DNA Testing

So the EPA has decided it wants to lessen the burden on companies. Which is a wonderful idea. I mean every time a company spills 500lbs of toxins into the air, earth, water or otherwise I think its ridiculous to have to tell the EPA about it. Thankfully for them, the EPA has increased the amount of toxins you have to spill before you absolutely have to tell someone to 5000lbs. Only 10x the previous amount. And to top it off, they don't even have to tell you about it every year. The EPA would prefer you bother them only every other year. Sounds about right.

"We certainly recognize there will be concerns moving to every other year," said Kimberly Nelson, EPA's assistant administrator for environmental information. "Every community will still have the same information about the types of toxic releases. They just won't have some of the details in terms of how that particular substance was managed or released."

The EPA: Looking out for our environment...now on a bi-yearly basis!

Excellent Writing

2005-09-19T09:50:00.000-04:00

Awesome lead paragraphs from today's Detroit Free Press:

Anyone driving at night on Michigan Avenue around Livernois and Central in Detroit may have seen them -- women in miniskirts and low-cut tops. The Wayne County Sheriff's Office calls them Hollywood hookers.
Law enforcement officials say they are seeing a sudden influx of pricey, out-of-state prostitutes on Michigan Avenue, even as stretches of the street are torn up by road maintenance. Officials suggest national sporting events in Detroit -- this summer's All-Star Game and the coming Super Bowl -- mean more money for prostitutes, and hookers are staking out their turf.

Who knew whores could be so persistent? Excellent writing byAmber Hunt Martin.

Headlines v9.19.5

2005-09-19T02:05:00.000-04:00

Google to Put Copyright Laws to the Test
This Headline Returned 1,640,000 Results
Man Leads Police on Chase at Airport
In other news, OJ Simpson Back Doing Ads for Hertz Rent-a-Car
Michael Schiavo to Co-Write Book
Will Author the Next Installment of the Popular "Veggie Tales" Series
Tests Find High Mercury Levels in Fish
In other news, Scientists Abandon Developing Better Mousetrap, Invent Fish Thermometer
Recent Sun Activity Produces Impressive Auroras
Like Everything Else, Hippies Blame the Sun for Increased Global Warming
New Company Sets Goal of Settling Mars
Scientists: Sounds More Like They're Talking Out of Uranus
Newsview: Crisis Overtakes Bush's Agenda
Officials: Bush May Give Up Nearly 3 Months of Planned Vacation Time
U.S. Aims to Pressure Syria on Democracy
US: Look at How Well We're Doing in Iraq, We're Down to 8 Car Bombs a Day
Nude Swimmers Abandon Loch Ness Swim
Locals Report Several "One-Eyed Monster" Sightings
Man Breaks 'Couch Potato' Record
Credits Comfortable Couch, 'Law & Order' Marathon for Record
Prison Locked Down After Warden Loses Keys
Surprisingly Not An Unlikely Plot Twist on 'Prison Break'
Report: Man Burns Carpet With Static Shock
The Hidden Dangers of Wool Socks and Shag Carpeting

It's Almost Like X-mas

2005-09-16T23:55:00.000-04:00

So this is my first post from my new computer. I've been gathering parts for about a month now and have been thwarted by crappy websites to buy parts from (tigerdirect.com) and helped by good ones (newegg.com). There were some issues with getting XP installed and some issues with the UMich connection, but they've been settled and now I'm doing my best to customize it so it works well for me. Just wanted to check in, since I haven't blogged in a while. I should be able to do it more often now that I have a comp that works in a prompt and speedy matter.

Time to install more programs. Tomorrow I'm headed to Cadillac to celebrate the marriage of Aaron Mills to a wonderful girl. Should be fun.

Headlines v9.8.5

2005-09-08T01:30:00.000-04:00

U.S. Offers Katrina Families $2,000 Each
I'm Sorry You Lost Everything. Here's Two Grand, Now Go Away
U.S. Hostage Freed After 10 Months in Iraq
In other news, Only Person in the World to Not Have Seen Paris Hilton Sex Tape Found
Schwarzenegger Vows Gay Marriage Bill Veto
Sounds like Someone is Still Overcompensating for the 1970's
Destiny's Child Wins Lady of Soul Award
Finally an Award that Means Less than Latin Grammy
EPA: Contaminated Floodwater Dangerous
Plans to Open "Super Fun Dysentary Splash Park" Abandoned
Yeltsin Breaks Leg at Italian Resort
10-1 Says Boris Wasn't Sober at the Time
Willis Wins 20th Game As Marlins Swat Nats
Apparently He Knows What He's Talkin' 'bout
Rod Stewart Ordered to Pay for Vegas Show
Apparently He Doesn't Want to Hear Himself Sing Either
Katrina Looms Over 'The Man' Premiere
Yeah, Katrina, that's Why No One Was Laughing, Sure
Study: Daily Routine Helps Bipolar Disorder
#'s 1, 4,6,7 & 9 on the List: Don't go nuts.
Space Station Dumps Its Garbage
New 'Vodka Bottle' Meteor Shower Created
Controversy Swirls Around Wind Farm Plan
In other news, Headlines With Clever Wind Puns Blow
Ballroom Dancer Charged in Attempted Slay
Dancer Reportedly was Practicing the 'Tango de la Muerte'

It's Official....

2005-09-01T10:35:00.000-04:00

...the Rolling Stones are playing Superbowl XL. What the fuck?

No other Superbowl city (Jacksonville, Miami, San Diego) can boast the amount of musical talent that Detroit has. Iggy, White Stripes, Eminem, Kid Rock, Aretha, Motown, Von Bondies, Brendan Benson etc. A huge chance to showcase Detroit and its music has been wasted.

The Rolling Stones have become a cliche and it seems like the Super Bowl officials are trying very hard to be cool. Detroit only gets the Superbowl once every 25 years. Why not do something a little different? I thought the XL was supposed to help tourism and show what Detroit has to offer, not dig up retreads who haven't made a good album in 30 years.

Then again I'm not surprised. If all they can get is John Cougar for Thanksgiving then why not go with artists who are well past their prime.

Headlines v8.25.5

2005-08-25T02:15:00.000-04:00

Armstrong: Cheating Remarks 'Preposterous'
References to Him Being One Ball Short of a Full Sack 'Uncalled for'
Race Disparity Seen During Traffic Stops
Police Picking on Black People? In this Country? Shocking!
Tropical Storm Katrina Nears Florida
Storm Creates Waves, Walks on Sunshine
Crews Again Battle Wilfires in Portugal
Sadly, for the Portugese, the Rain is Falling Mainly on Plain, Spain
Diddy, Estefan Join on Bad Boy Latino
Gerardo, Ricky Martin Remix Albums Planned
'Mockingbird' Actor Brock Peters Dies
Ironically Died While Busting Up a Chiffarobe
Texas Schools Launch 'Virtual Cafeteria'
Makes Sense Since for so Long Caf Food has Tasted Virtually Real
Weather Forecasting Getting More Complex
Looking Out Window Now Considered Obsolete
Bush Tells Troops 'We Will Win the War'
Wait, what about...

Sara's first day of school is today. Well not school really, just orientation. Should be interesting. We continue to get settled. We've spent an awful lot of money in the last 2 weeks. Then we're pretty much cut off until X-mas. We've been to Kroger a million times and thankfully have avoided the 250 count pallate of Ramen Noodles for only $2. We have to get everything on the cheap now. It's definitely going to be an adjustment. Of course we've already made major purchases with Beck tix and Lions road trip tix, but no more. Well maybe an exception for the Dandy Warhols album coming out soon. I have a day off on Saturday (for the 1st time in a while) and I think I'll try to gather some new music. I'm definitely getting bored with the blue as well. That needs to go. I know I keep saying I'll make changes, but I really haven't had the time. Since I'm working now I don't see Sara as much(or at least it seems that way) so I spend my time with her and not messing with the blog. Though I have been blogging after she goes to bed cuz it seems I can't really sleep unless I'm super tired. Maybe I'm more stressed than I thought. Anyway I should get to bed. It's later than I thought.

Sad

2005-08-24T14:35:00.000-04:00

Why does God hate Gary Weinstein?

He's the husband and father of the 3 people that were killed by the guy driving with .43 BAC. Now, after that devastating event, his Jewelry store burns down. Is this guy the new Job or what?

If I were him I'd be wearing a metal codpiece, because that would be the next likely thing to go.

God must be placing all of his frustration about Pat Robertson praying for assassinations into working this guy over.

Headlines v8.24.5

2005-08-24T01:50:00.000-04:00

Bush: Iraq Withdrawal Would Weaken U.S.
Apparently War Not About Terrorism; About Saving Face in the Eyes of the World
Fetuses May Not Feel Pain in Early Months
That Sound You Just Heard Was Anti-abortion's Argument #1 Being Shot Down
Air Force Officer Faces Vandalism Charges
Somehow The USAF Frowns on Desecrating the Sanctity of Pro-Bush Bumperstickers
Quadriplegic Woman Sails English Channel
I Think It's Disgusting That They Used Her as the Sail
Annan Tours Niger to Highlight Food Crisis
Outlines Plan for New Oil for Food Scandal
'Idol' Bo Bice Recovering After Surgery
Doctors Try, But Fail to Remove Red Neck
Swaziland Girls Celebrate End of Sex Ban
In other news, Tourism to Africa Shot Up 87% This Week
'Rapid Detox' May Be Life-Threatening
Patients Had Recurring Hallucinations of Babies Crawling on Ceiling
Team Claims to Find New Yangtze Source
This Concludes 1Billion in Grant Money for Studies that Help No One

Headlines v8.23.5

2005-08-23T01:40:00.000-04:00

U.S. Says Terrorists May Pose As Vagrants
Remember: The Next Pencil You Buy Could Be Your Last
Olivia Newton-John's Boyfriend Missing After Boat Trip
Thankfully Scott Peterson is Already in Custody
or
Suicide Suspected After 'Grease' Soundtrack was Playing Endlessly Onboard Boat
Televangelist Robertson Calls for Chavez' Death
And Winner of the 2005 Craziest "Christian" Award Goes to...
N.Y. Water Park Stomach Illnesses Grow to 2,202
Angry Customers refer to Water Slide as 'Poop Chute'
Whirlpool to Acquire Maytag in $1.7B Deal
Stockholders Get Taken to Cleaners
Big Unit Falls Short of Big Expectations
The Hidden Curse of Well Endowed Men
Judge Signs Aniston-Pitt Divorce Papers
Explains Disturbance in the Force I Felt Today
Alec Baldwin to Receive Award at PETA Gala
PETA Has No Problem With Baldwin; As Long as He Doesn't Hurt Any animals While Beating His Wife
New Efforts Begin to Improve CPR
Apparently There Was Something Wrong With the Old Way; You Know With People Living and Such
Original Einstein Manuscript Discovered
Shockingly Showed Einstein Betting on Preseason Football Games
Man Charged With Reptile Smuggling
Dude, I've Got Some Real Nice Igauana, Maybe You Like a Gila Monster?
Chicago Tour Showcases Garbage
Some See the Trash Dumps, Landfills, Bears Football

So I think the craziness is over for a while. My work hours aren't getting messed up by having to work the morning show. Getting to watch the Lions game from the press box was cool the other day. Will be sitting in the stands for the Monday Night game this monday and once again for the opener against the Packers. Should be fun.

One other thing of note, I'll be doing a couple of games for Comcast Local in October. Should be fun.

It's late. Goodnight.

Headlines v8.21.5

2005-08-21T02:15:00.000-04:00

Army Planning for 4 More Years in Iraq
Cites Loving a Good Tan, Iraqi Hookers as Reason
or

General Denies Claim That Extended Iraq Stay is Overcompensation for a Small Penis
Northwest Hires Replacement Mechanics
Nothing Like a Second String Airplane Mechanic to Make You Feel Good About Flying
Gonzo Writer Thompson's Ashes Blast Off
Ashes Blamed for 3 New Cases of Black Lung Disease
Miller Beer Holds 150th Anniversary Bash
Attendees Experience Loss of Taste, Driver's Liscense
Several Arrested in Jordan Rocket Attacks
Suspects: 'Well we have been listening to a lot of Elton John Lately'
Garth Brooks Albums to Only Be Sold at Wal-Mart
Not a Surprise Since That's the Only Place His Albums Have Been Bought
Marc Cohn Recalls Terrifying Shooting
Ironically, Police Refer to Shooter as 'One-hit Wonder'
Iron Maiden Added to Hollywood Rockwalk
Only Fitting Since They've Been Playing for Quarters on that Street Since mid-90's
Cloned Tabby Wildcats Have Kittens
Kittens Have Uncanny Ability to Play Banjo

So I know I haven't written anything in while. But it's not like I've been lazy or anything. Sara and I have certainly been kept into action. So here's the timeline.

Monday: Sara hears noises outside and discovers our landlord recementing our front steps. The day before we move. A fitting sendoff by the worlds worst asshole landlord.

Tuesday: After working a full shift I go to A2 to pick up the UHaul. I pull in and see 2 new trucks, one that looks like its from the late 90's and one that's rusted out and pretty much will fall apart if used. I remember thinking to myself "wow, its been a while since that ones seen some action." Well guess which one I got? Not only was it loud, but it had its own sense of air conditioning---Conditioning me to the air of Hell. Whether the fan was on or not you were constantly bombarded with 120 Degree heat. The radio was nonexistent, which didn't matter since you couldn't hear it over the roar of the engine anyway. And to top it all off the thing had the handling of one of those water bikes. The moving goes great. Matt and Joe help to plan strategy and move things. The drive back was equally as terrible only it was funnier since Matt came along and had to endure it as well. Unpacking was weird since (as Matt already mentioned in his blog) we were attcked by a child of the corn. Little bastard wouldn't leave us alone. But the move got done.

Wednesday was spent cleaning.

Thursday Sara got the bedroom in order and while in the process of moving the boxes out the the recycle bin, we found out that there are HUGE raccoons living in the greater Ann Arbor area. And they are tame as hell. Sara and I both tried to shoo them away, but they seemed uninterested.

Friday we both spent a good portion of the day making the place livable. I got the wireless internets hooked up as well as our entertainment system. Yay.

Saturday nothing really got accomplished since I went to the Lions game, ate press catering food and on-site produced. Sara took a much deserved day off. She has been absolutely amazing in staying motivated and putting things in order while I'm at work. Completely awesome. On a side note I got mooned today during my drive down 96 to the game. Nothing like minding your own business when a car passes you, you look over and see hairy man ass hanging out the window. Weird.

Time for sleep since I'm writing this for the 2nd time tonight. Damn wireless hiccup made Firefox crash.

Headlines v8.11.5

2005-08-10T17:10:00.000-04:00

Iran Resumes Full Conversion Operations
Iran Takes Agressive Stance of Ignoring Extra Point; Tries 2-pt Conversion
Bush Signs $286.4 Billion Highway Bill
Outlines NASA's New Plan to Extend I-75 to the Moon
Explosions Rock Chemical Plant in Michigan
Explosion Went Unreported for Hours; Residents Couldn't Detect a Change in Smell
G-Unit Rappers Banks, Young Buck Arrested
1st Recipient of Ray Charles "Even I Saw That Coming" Award
Man Dies After 49 Hours of Computer Games
I Think I Would Die After 49 Straight Hours of Anything
or
Warning: More Than 40 Consecutive of Frogger Can Be Deadly
Film, Stage Star Barbara Bel Geddes Dies
Don't Worry, In the End She Didn't Know Who She was Either
Suspect Fires Gun in Fort Worth City Hall
Man Who Has Never Heard Cliches Lives in Texas; Fights City Hall Anyway
Lutherans Debate Policy on Gay Couples
Expect Their Decision to be Nailed to Your Door in the Morning
Malnourished Children Face Harsh Future
That Includes Visits from Sally Struthers
Sinead O'Connor Reflects on First Reggae Album
Album Worse Than the Sandra Day O'Connor Reggae Album
New Food Pyramid Designed to Look Simple
Because So Many Were Confused by the 2-D Triangle Posters
Scientists Crack DNA Code of Rice
Can Condoleeza Cloning Be Far Behind
Conservative Group Pulls Roberts Support
Repubs Pull Support for Jesus Because He Dresses Funny; Smells Like Fishes, Loaves

Headlines v8.9.5

2005-08-09T10:00:00.000-04:00

Special Guest Headline:

'Walking in Memphis' Singer Cohn Shot in Head, Survives
Clearly, Walking in Memphis is Safer Than Driving in Denver
-OR-
But I Thought Mister Gary Wasn't Even *in* Denver Yet

Thank you Lyndsay Allen! Very nice.

More to follow later when I have the time...

Bummer

2005-08-08T10:00:00.000-04:00

Peter Jennings died yesterday. Definitely my favorite of the big three anchors. He came off as a pillar of honesty and integrity.

He will be missed.

Why couldn't have been Geraldo?

Or Bill O'Reilly?

The New Place

2005-08-05T09:00:00.000-04:00

So Sara and I checked out the new place on Wednesday. It's pretty nice. There's a couple of annoying quirks, but for the most part it's cool. All hardwood floors, a bit of a funky 1st floor layout, but the kitchen has been remodeled recently and the master bedroom is pretty big. The 2nd bedroom is going to make a good office/guestroom. Over the weekend I'll put up some pictures for those of you that are really interested.

I'd like to have a BBQ(probably pulled pork since it feeds a lot of people so beware Liz) on Sunday the 14th since I have the weekend off. All are invited should be fun. Afterwards everyone can load up their cars with stuff and we'll head over to the new place. Headlines later.

The Beardless Wonders and The Loudest Band Ever

2005-08-03T13:15:00.000-04:00

The Royal Oak Music Theatre is an above place to see a concert, but there was a waaaaay weird vibe in that place last night. Since Matt decided to show up to my place about 30min late we missed all but 30secs of the Shout Out Louds. Oh well.

Anyway, just walking in was an ordeal because some chick was in the process of being thrown out. She still had her ticket, so she made it all of 6 feet into the venue before getting booted. How does this happen? What can you possibly say to a security guard to get thrown out that fast?

So that was weird, we walk in and the crowd was small...it only cost a mere $7 for a 12oz Miller Lite and a bottle of water. This after a $15 Convenience charge (I'm assuming the convenience was the fact that I lived 1mi away) and an extra $3.50 for Will Call. It wasn't even Ticketbastard this time, it was Tickets.com. I hate them both now.

The Secret Machines come on pretty fast after the SOLs and just as they start playing I get whacked in the back. I wheel around expecting to see Sarah W., but only get the horrified look of some chick in glasses. Apparently she thought I was someone else. Which is understandable, because I later saw her talking to a guy who I thought could've been me. Down to the khaki shorts and red shirt. Creepy.

The Secret Machines were awesome and nothing if not loud. It's a good thing that Big Matt had an extra pair of earplugs or I would be completely deaf right now. The drummer for TSMs is terrific. The sounds he gets out of his kit are amazing. Sadly, they could've been better had they showed some more energy in the beginning. The started strong with two of my fave song from the album, but didn't keep the energy. Just good stuff.

Kings of Leon were pretty good as well. Beardless, they certainly presented a different look that when I first saw them 2 years ago when they opened for The Strokes. The music was solid and they certainly had the swagger of rock stars, but I came to a realization last night: KoL are only ok and probably will stay that way. I don't know what it is about them, but I just can't get crazy into them. Which is weird since they definitely play my type of music, but strangely they don't completely click for me.

Of course the same could not be said about most of the audience. There were lots of people just going crazy over them...constantly jumping up and down, dancing and touching me. For whatever reason some chick felt it necessary to make sure I was bobbing my head enough because she kept putting her hands on my head in an attempt make me move more. She nearly got punched in the throat since all her dancing put most of her beer on me. Fortunately, halfway through the set she moved her bad self down to the main floor so she could go bother some of the frat boy groupies.

A good time. I'd definitely go see The Secret Machines again.

So Sara and I are checking out our new place today. She's already over there to get a head start cleaning. I'll help once my physically demanding desk job is over for the day. Yay. At least it isn't hot out.

Headlines v8.2.5

2005-08-02T12:10:00.000-04:00

Saudi King Fahd Buried in Unmarked Grave
Expect the 'Who's Buried in Fahd's Tomb' Jokes to Start Soon
Weather Service Boosts Hurricane Forecast
Urges Floridians to Move to North Dakota
Russia Won't Renew ABC-TV's Accreditation
Coming Soon: Russian People Revolt After Missing Season Premiere of 'Desperate Housewives'
Hackers Demonstrate Their Skills in Vegas
In other news, People Everywhere are Cancelling Their Credit Cards
Armstrong Gets a Bike Basket on Letterman
Somehow Giving Him a Sack With One Ball Would've Been Inappropriate
Franklin Dedicates Park Named for Father
Then Sets World Record for Trips to the Buffet
How to ID, Treat Sports Hernias Disputed
If It Hurts to Turn Your Head and Cough, Then It's a Hernia
Researcher: Bird Emits Mosquito Repellent
Scientists to Mate Bird With Armadillo that Sweats Sunscreen; Make Helpful Pets
Bush: Intelligent Design Should Be Taught
Because There's No Way this Contradicts That Whole Church and State Thing
Sea Lion Attacks Boy on Boogie Board
Father Horrifed as Lion Bites Son, Seal-Shaped Boogie Board Prototype
Russians Hungry for Australia's Kangaroos
At Last We Know the Fate of Kangaroo Jack

Going the Kings of Leon/Secret Machines tonight. Should be fun. Other than that nothing else is really going on. Sara and I spent some of last night cleaning up the green room. Put some stuff in boxes and put away all our papers into the filing cabinet. Let this be the first, but certainly not the last, time I say this--Moving is going to be a bitch.

Headlines v8.1.5

2005-08-01T12:25:00.000-04:00

Ask Jeeves Launches Advertising Network
Teams with Jeopardy; Plans to do all Commercials in Form of Question
Dog Beats Most in Swim From Alcatraz
Dog was Serving 15-20 Dog Years for Assaulting a Mailman
Feds Make More Than 500 Gang Arrests
FBI Finds Making Arrests Easier After Aligning with the Crips
Phoenix Police Search for 'A.M. Rapist'
Strangely, 'A.M. Rapist' is also Name of Poorly Rated TV Morning Show
LAPD Seeks Vendor Who Allegedly Stabbed 5 at Dodgers Game
Peanuts! Hot Dogs! Switchblades!
Quinceanera in Florida Ends With 9 Arrests
Happy 15th Birthday, We're Arresting Your Party
Britain Makes Show of Force in Subways
Random Bag Checks, Forcing People to Watch Cricket Now Common
Delta Launches Redesigned Web Site
Now After 30 Minute Delay Trying to Log On You're Given Stale Bag of Nuts
Book: Hendrix Used Gay Ruse to Avoid 'Nam
Apparently the Army Doesn't Do Background Checks with tha Ladies
Tejano Singer Astudillo Charged With Drunken Driving
Says he Drinks Because his Name Sounds Like a Phil Collins Song
Study: Women Should Keep Their Ovaries
In other News, Men Plan to Keep Their Testicles

Back from vacation. Had a great time even though the weather was kinda crappy. Ate well. As usual. Am planning to redesign the site sometime soon and add more music. Should be fun.

Also, does anyone want to go to the Kings of Leon/Secret Machines concert tomorrow at the Royal Oak Music Theater?

Sabbatical

2005-07-23T23:52:00.000-04:00

TWWoS is on vaction the next week. IT should be fun. Expect more posts and more music as I will have increased creativity and vigor upon my return. God Bless.

Headlines v7.20.5

2005-07-20T07:20:00.000-04:00

Hamster With Virus Traced to Ohio Center
Virus Causes Hamster to Stand Upright, Dance Whenever it Hears Strange Music
Fire Spreads Across Acres of Tires
While Large, Fire No Comparison to that of Springfield, SD
Cell Phone Sales to Reach 779M This Year
Sales Slowed by Cell Owners Talking While Driving & Killing Others
Golden Tee Video Golf Game Scores Fans
Bar Video Game Somehow Manages to Bridge the Gap Between Drinking and Golf
Gates Puzzled by Lack of Computer Science Graduates
In other news, 30 year-old Virgins Said to be in Decline
Product Placements Infiltrate TV Shows
TV is Being Used as a Device to Sell Products? I'm Shocked, Shocked I Tell You!
Summer Camp Provides Therapy to ADHD Kids
Where Midnight Basketball isn't Mandatory, it's Necessary
Research Lab Probes Life Under the Sea
Undersea Explorer Zissou Close to Finding, Killing Leopard Shark
Bush's Intelligence Briefing Gets Overhaul
Staff to Use Less Crayon, More Markers; Nap Time Extended
Spectator Punches Tour De France Rider
In other news, French Officials Still Trying to Figure Out Why They Didn't Get Olympics

When in doubt, defer

2005-07-19T14:50:00.000-04:00

**Update**

Well Bush didn't decide to come clean, he decided to take some of the heat off of The Rove/Cooper situation and announce his Supreme Court Justice tonight. What a great move. In the court of public opinion, Karl Rove is working pro se on his own spin. Well done Repubs!

This Karl Rove/Matthew Cooper/Scooter Libby/Valerie Plame thing is reaching epic proportions. I've done my best to hold off until this thing sorts itself out, but I can't wait that long. W and Scott McClellen have done a terrific job of stirring the pot and keeping this thing going.

"It's best people wait until the investigation is complete before you jump to
conclusions," he said. "We have a serious ongoing investigation here and it's
being played out in the press," Bush said.

It has gotten so bad that last statement was met with laughter. If that's not indicative of how ridiculous things are right now nothing is. Bush has appeared at the side of Karl Rove every day in the past week as a show of support. Bush says he will fire anyone who broke the law, but pretty much refrains from comment on the entire situation by sidestepping and saying he wants to wait for the investigation to run its course.

Note to W: You are the President of the United States. The man in question is your Deputy Chief of Staff. Ask him what the hell happened and come clean on it. Did he break the law? Did he walk the fine line? Tell us. Make this go away. The longer this drags out, the more guilt is presumed. If you have nothing to hide, then tell us.

Quick Hits:

You know, it's about time a hurricane hit Texas. They've had one coming for a while.
So Larry Brown and his wandering bladder are headed out of town. Oh I wish I could feel bad. Don't get me wrong, this guy brought a championship and got us to 9 minutes away from a second one, but enough was enough. It's time to get back to playing basketball and not dealing "Larry Watch 2005." We had to deal with Larry to the Knicks, Larry to the hospital, Larry to Cleveland, Larry to the Knicks again. It got so tiresome after a while. Besides, it'll be football season in less than a month. Oh and in case you were wondering "Larry Watch 2005" can be tracked on the Channel 7 Doppler 7000 Viper, but not on the Local 4 Trueview Lightning Tracker 4.
Speaking of local news, is there anything better than Channel 4 trying their damnedest to create "Local Breaking News" for every single broadcast? The Channel 4 broadcasts have become one of my favorite things on TV. Between the made up news, fake hype and littany of technical problems it is trainwreck TV at its best.
Is it football season yet? I swear to god that the offseason gets longer each year. In other football news, I bought tix to go see the Lions in Cleveland this year.
Black Crowes/Tom Petty on Wednesday should be fun.

Headlines v7.15.5 (Short)

2005-07-15T09:24:00.000-04:00

Diaz Wasn't Ashamed of Topless Photos
Diaz: 'Compared to Charlie's Angels 2, this is hardly embarrassing'
Big Names Challenge Woods at British Open
Yeah There's That Guy and That Other Guy and the Guy with the Funny Hat
Americans: U.S. Transit Attack Inevitable
Solution: Attack More Third World Countries
U.S. to Open Border to Canadian Cattle
Moo, eh?
Japan Questioning Safety of U.S. Beef
Japanese Eye New Al-Qaeda 'Cattle Bomb' as Security Threat
S.Korea Lawmakers Call for Iraq Withdrawal
US: 'How's that Northern Border being defended? Thought So. Enjoy your stay in Baghdad'
'

Headlines v7.14.5

2005-07-14T09:40:00.000-04:00

Hurricane Emily Pounds Grenada
Headline Would've More Interesting Had they Left Out Word 'Hurricane'
'Desperate Housewives' Tops Emmy Nods
'Will & Grace' Picks Up 15 Noms; Praised for Telling the Same Gay Joke Over and Over
'Cooter' Urges Fans to Skip 'Dukes' Movie
Actor Says Movie Not Family Friendly; Recants After He Realizes His Characters Name was 'Cooter'
NASA Eyeing Cause of Fuel-Gauge Problem
Next National Tragedy Delayed to Saturday at the Earliest
Iraqi Bombers Strike Near Green Zone
Defiant Terrorists Ignore 'Green Zone is for Loading and Unloading Only' Statute
Study: Web-Based Phone Service Inferior
This Study Brought to you by AT&T, MCI and Sprint
Bank of America Toughens Web Security
Abandons 'Will You Steal Money? Check Yes or No' Security Measures
Titans' Top Draft Pick 'Pac Man' Jones Arrested for Assault
Pinky and Blinky Expected to Spend Extended Time in Hospital

Headlines v7.6.5

2005-07-06T07:45:00.000-04:00

Retired Vice Adm. James Stockdale Dies
Best Known for Beating Dan Quayle in a Debate by Falling Asleep
No Tornado Deaths in April-May-June
In Other News, Trailer Parks in the US are in Decline
N.Y. Eliminated in Vote for 2012 Olympics
For Some Reason the IOC Not Impressed with Dirty Streets, Piss Smell
Stewart Says Prison Nickname 'M. Diddy'
Also Says Nickname was Better than Her Cellmate Martha's Bitch
Einstein the Bird Making Leno Appearance
Collaborates with Leno on Monologue
U2's Ex-Stylist Must Return Bono's Clothes
Garments Referred to as Bono's 'Shrouds of Turin'
Study: Slow Walking May Be Best for Obese
Not That They Were In Danger of Breaking into a Full Sprint
Va. Teen Nudist Law Challenge Reinstated
In Other News, Tourism to Virginia is Up 75%

Wow, just wow

2005-07-05T15:20:00.000-04:00

From the "No Good Deed Goes Unpunished" file check this out. Apparently a guy saved a man from drowning, despite repeated attempts by the cops to stop him. When Dave Newman pulled the guy to shore he was helped out of the water by police and immediately put into handcuffs. Newman spent the night in jail for interfering with public duties. Ridiculous.

Of course all of this was made possible by Abed Duamni, who broke the cardinal rule of swimming by going for a dip in the river after having just ate a meal at a local restaurant. I can only guess he was raised without a mother because who eats dinner at a diner and then thinks, "hmm, it'd be a nice time for a swim."

Oh and Duamni said that he didn't see any signs that the river was dangerous. Potential lawsuit anyone?

So get Dave Newman out of jail--now. Give him a medal, make July 4th Dave Newman day or something (it's not like its something else already) and get on with it. And for whoever decided it would be a good idea to arrest him, a smack upside the head and last pick of the donuts for a month.

Headlines v7.5.5

2005-07-05T09:10:00.000-04:00

Bush Leaves on Fourth European Trip
Plans to Show Kids Big Ben, Parliament
Tropical Storm Cindy Heads Toward Lousiana
Will Undoubtedly Get Overlooked Once Hurricanes Jan, Marsha Arrive
U.S. Marks July 4 With Revelry, Patriotism
Failure to Participate in Revelry now Class E Felony Under Patriot Act
Aruba Investigation Centers on Dutch Teen
America on Verge of Caring; Media Waits for Next Pretty White Girl to Get Abducted
United Church of Christ Backs Gay Marriage
In other news, Gay Pigs Seen Flying from Church
More Computer Classes Urged for Kids
Classes Urged for Parents as Kids Learn How to Bypass Anti-Porn Software
'Oz' Munchkin's 86th Birthday Celebrated
Celebrates with Cake, Tossed Salad
Ewan McGregor Makes Plea to G-8 Leaders
Excerpt of Statement: 'Choose life. Choose a job. Choose a career. Choose a family...'
Studies: Too Much TV May Inhibit Learning
I Watched Much TV and Learned Just Fine

Breaking News Alert

2005-07-04T17:35:00.000-04:00

This just in from Local 4:

The Hall and Oates concert for Wednesday has been cancelled. I repeat, has been cancelled.

Yeah, this just got the "breaking news alert" treatment from DIV, slow news day anyone?

Carry on with your drinking and BBQ.

AWOL Headlines

2005-07-01T21:50:00.000-04:00

What? You surprised I actually posted something? Yeah, well I wish I could have a good excuse other than laziness, but I don't. I mean, yeah it has been hot, but that's not an excuse. So here is a quick catchup on what's happened in the last 2 weeks:

**Joe and I called our first two games for the Michigan Admirals. The games have been ok and hey at least we're using state of the art technology i.e. a headset microphone, Joe and I have to share, plugged into a cell phone. Awesome. On the way to our first game in Flint, we jokingly wondered how many times we'd have to call the police. Answer: 1. After the game, the opposing teams coach was very unhappy that the exhibition game was called at the end of regualation tied at 12. He came up to the press box and started yelling at the clock timer...and looked to pick a fight with anyone who dared to talk to him. Police were called, a good time was had by all.

**The Pistons season ended, not with a bang, but a whistle. Several of them, blown by Dick Bavetta and Joe Forte. But that's not why they lost, San Antonio was the better team, though if you see Robert Horry, feel free to punch him in the throat for me. All was not lost, my $2k check came in the mail today.

**Sara and I spent our Anniversary over on the West Side (West Si-eeed) camping near Muskegon and swimming in Lake Michigan like a couple of kids. It was awesome. Wednesday on the drive back we stopped in Grand Haven and bought a couple of sweet-ass acrylic chairs and outlet shopped at Tanger. Just a fun time.

**Went to the Tigers game with Kris and Joe yesterday. Shortly after sitting down, Kris related a story where he had been hit in the chest with a puck at a hockey game. Not more then 10 seconds later, Paul Konerko laced a foul down the line, the ball hitting the back of the seat directly in front of Kris----essentially crotch level. In our stunned silence a middleaged man dived for the loose ball, getting the $2 ball and spilling the $9 beer all over himself. Ahh, the sweet smell of poetic justice. Or was it weed, because for the second straight game there was the smell of Mary Jane in a couple of places on the concourse.

**I start my new job on Tuesday. Well, sorta. For the first 3 weeks I'll do morning drive traffic on WDFN, WDTW-FM and WDTW-AM. After that I'll just do data entry for 30 hours a week and still pick up 10 hours at DFN.

So since I'll have some time in front of a computer, plan on more updates from here on out.

News and Headlines:
Sandra Day O'Connor retired as a Supreme Court Justice today. If you're a liberal, you should be crapping your pants right about now. Bush now has an opportunity to elevate one of his Religious Right judges to the America's Highest Court. If this happens, I have a sneaking suspicion that you'll be waving goodbye to Abortion, as well as many other ideals held by liberals. O'Connor was a republican....but was a moderate. I am not expecting W to recommend a liberal to the Court, but a moderate would be nice. Alberto Gonzalez, the nation's Attorney General, would be a good choice. He's a moderate and not especially favored by the more conservative republicans. Bush pretty much pleaded with Senate Democrats to not try to filibuster his choices; hopefully the retaliatory threats by Tedward Kennedy and other Dems will scare him off of trying to sneak through a Uber Conservative.

I know this is kinda old news, but $100million was restored to the budget of NPR and Public Television. Republicans tried to make the cuts, but later relented. Over the past few years, there has been no bigger complaintant over the amount of sex and violence on television than Republicans. So it made no sense to me that they would try to eliminate the last bastion of wholesome family entertainment. Thank god they restored funding, otherwise I woulda been pissed.

Team of U.S. GIs Missing in Afghanistan
Sad, but Not Quite as Scary as a Missing IUD
R&B Crooner Luther Vandross Dies at 54
Luther is Dead Here and Now, I Promise You This
Time Turns Over Documents to Prosecutor
Time Inc.: Selling Out the Journalism Since 2005
Spacecraft Closing in on Targeted Comet
Bruce Willis on Craft Citing that he 'wouldn't want to miss a thing'
Rangers' Kenny Rogers Suspended 20 Games
Ironically Rogers Never Learned When to Hold 'em, Fold 'em
Shark Bites Tourist's Ankle in Florida
Memorial Day Official Beginning of Summer? Nope, Florida Shark Attack Week
Infamous Nevada Brothel Back in Business
Said to Have Loosest Slots In Nevada
Marine in Iraq Sees New Baby Girl on Web
Coincidentally happened to be Checking Out pregnantslutsgivebirth.com
Shields Rips Cruise's 'Ridiculous Rant'
Cruise: "Brooke just stepped into my 'Danger Zone" and "everyone needs to stop calling Scientology a cult, now excuse me I have to go drink the blood of a virgin"
FDA Warns About Antidepressants
Consults L. Ron Hubbard About Their Effectiveness
Senator Prods FDA to Put Warning on Viagra
AP: Sorry about the Preceding Headline, Change Prod to Urges in Order to Make it Less Funny
35 New Sri Lanka Frogs Discovered
Scientist Describes Discovery as 'Ribbitting'
E-Tagging of Pygmy Elephants Helps Study
First Elephant to be Tagged is 'Teeny' an Elephant that lives in a Dollhouse
Parents Guilty for Hiding Pot in Diaper
Thanks for Voting in the Parent of the Year Competition, We Have a Winner

Unbefuckinglievable

2005-06-17T23:50:00.000-04:00

Jeb Bush sounds like he is doing his best to open a murder case against Michael Schiavo.

*boom*

Sorry, my brain just exploded. What the fuck is going on? Somehow Jeb, by going over transcripts of testimony, figures out that there is a 70 minute gap in the time Michael found Terri.

Fact: In the malpractice tria,l Michael said that he ran to call 911, but called at ~4:40. He had actually called 911 at 5:40. Now tell me, if this wasn't just an accidental mix up in time why wasn't that exploited by the lawyers in the malpractice suit?

Bobby Schindler, Schiavo's brother, said Friday his family believes more questions were raised than answered by the autopsy report and that a new legal review is appropriate.
"Anything that can shed some light on the cause of Terri's collapse is going to be welcomed by our family," he said from Bloomington, Minn., where the family is speaking at an anti-abortion convention.

Hey Bobby, if you had really wanted to know the reason why your sister collapsed, you probably shouldn'tve waited 10+ years for them to perform an autopsy. And if you thought there was some kind of foul play involved, why didn't you or your family members bring it up, oh say 15 years ago?

Also, in a Fox News Interview with the attorney representing Jeb, he said the fact that the autopsy didn't find any evidence of an eating disorder was something of interest. Uh, she'd been getting her three squares (or tubes of paste) a day for a long time, how much evidence were you looking for?

I guess with the Michael Jackson trial finished and the 15 minutes of caring for that dead teen in Aruba waning we needed something to fill the gap. Thanks Jeb, you're a fucking moron.

And for that, you are now inducted into the TWWoS Hall of Fame. A $10 to Planned Parenthood has been made in your honor and I'm sure all of the money goes to buy condoms for teenagers. And enjoy the gold highlighting

Bitter Headlines:
Iran Heads Toward Presidential Runoff
John Kerry Finishes 3rd Behind Mahoumoud al-Jarziri von Rickhoven
Bishops to Extend Ban on Abusive Priests
You Mean They Aren't Rehabilitated After 3 Years?
How About a Lifetime Ban....Dumbasses
Cruise Announces Engagement to Holmes
Cruise: "Our publicists looked into each other's eyes and knew the timing was right"
Second Helicopter Crashes in NYC in 4 Days
Police Said to be on Lookout for Large Ape, Last Seen at Empire State Building
Crowd Storms Kyrgyz Government Building
Crowd: "We were just looking for 'Live 8' Tickets
Redford Says He Linked Deep Throat to FBI
Redford Also Links Hoffa Disapearance to Mafia, Weight Loss to Lack of Appetite
Leguizamo Seeks Broader Roles for Latinos
Wants More Movies in which he Plays Women; Eyes 'To Wong Foo 2'
Stevie Wonder Pays for 5 Kids' Funerals
In other news, Album Publicity is a Wonderful Thing
Bice Says He's Glad He Lost 'Idol' Final
Spurns Spolight as Obscurity Beckons
Future Giant Laser Threatened by Cuts
Dr. Evil Miffed
BIO Confab Grows More Global Than Ever
Study: Unintelligible Headlines on Rise

Jumpstart My Heart

2005-06-15T02:15:00.000-04:00

Not a lot of time to talk since, well, it's frickin' late, but had to share this nugget from the Pistons game tonight...

In the first half of the game tonight, while I was standing in the Palacvision booth, everyone noticed a commotion in the far corner of the lower bowl. They immediately got a camera on it and we saw an elderly man sitting down, head back with is mouth wide open. Another man then leaned in and checked his neck for a pulse. Apparently they didn't find one since they dragged him to the aisle and started performing CPR. Paramedics rushed to his aid and the used the defibrillator to give him a boost...well lo and behold it worked because a couple minutes later, the man, now on a stretcher, starts giving the thumbs up to the loudly cheering crowd as he's being wheeled out of the arena.

Crazy stuff man...anyway, time for sleep.

Headlines v6.13.5

2005-06-13T23:25:00.000-04:00

Michael Jackson Acquitted of All Charges
Was Found Guilty of Being White With Intent to Get Unnecessary Plastic Surgery
Video of Saddam's Questioning Released
Includes Grainy, Night Vision Strip Tease by Paris Hilton so DVD Will Sell
Man Dies After Powerful Quake in Chile
Man Feels Stupid, Shame for Being Only Person to Die from Earthquake
Ethiopian Police Kill Opposition Politician
Police Prefer this Direct Method as Opposed to Making Up
Lies About Politician's War Record and Killing Him Politically
Fans Celebrate After Jackson Acquitted
Star Wars Fans Celebrate Discovery of People They Can Make Fun of
Destiny's Child Announces Split to MTV
In other Shocking News, Sun Rises in East
Katie Holmes Embracing Scientology
Holmes: "I've finally accomplished the two things I wanted
to do with my life, have sex wtih Tom Cruise and join a cult"
Study: Calcium and Vitamin D May Help PMS
Men: So Will a Hammer and Some Duct Tape
Viagra May Help Kids With Lung Disease
Part of a Joint Study with the Make a Wish Foundation
Kansas Dig May Have Found Early Campsite
Archeologists Cite Fossilized Hot Dogs, Still Edible Twinkies as Proof
Study: Fertilizers Harm Freshwater Lakes
In Other News, Poison is Bad for You
Senate Apologizes for Lynching-Ban Delays
Apology Finishes up Last Order of Business for 1916;
Next Up Whether or Not the US Should Enter into World War 1

Under the Radar:
Police in Tiburon, California have been issuing citations to motorists who have "honked" for peace. Apparently there's a weekly anti-war protest and the protesters urge people to honk for peace. So the cops pull over the "offenders" and give them a ticket. Nice. Just exactly the kind of crime police need to crack down on. And you wonder why people don't trust or respect cops.
FYI: As far as I know the "Honk if You're Horny" Bumpersticker on my car has gone unpunished, but definitely not unnoticed.

Dick Cheney isn't worried about the US's image as far as Gitmo is concerned, saying earlier today that people who want the base closed "probably don't agree with our policies anyway."
Note to Dick: There's a reason why people don't agree with US policy--And prisoner abuse and the desecration of the Qu'ran at Guantnamo Bay is one of them. And tell me, why are you concerned enough to address the critics when its obvious you and other members of the administration have no interest in their input?

As you may have noticed I've been away for a bit...have been very busy with things at the Palace recently and Sara and I made a trip up north when I got a rare weekend off at DFN. In case you were wondering, my eye seems to be healing well, it just has one noticable bloody spot as opposed to the entire inside of my eye. Progress!

I'll try to get some new music up this week.

Another Day, Another Trip to the ER

2005-06-06T23:50:00.000-04:00

Yeah, so playing basketball today at the Y, I was doing fairly well when I came down with a rebound and a guy tried to hit it out of my hands and his thumb caught my eye. Owie. I've got a scratched cornea and my eye is still oozing a little blood. Not cool.

At the ER I overheard (i.e. eavesdropped) a girl in a wheelchair tell the nurses that she though she had two broken feet. She explained (in the monotonlous, vacant drone that you'd expect from someone far blonder than this brunette) that she was getting out of a car in "like really tall sandals" and fell down. The boyfriend, somehow oblivious to all of this, continues to back away driving over the girl's feet. D'oh. So I'm already chuckling at this point, when the nurses start asking her the normal questions.

Nurse: Do you have any allergies?
Girl: Well, I don't like coconut.
Nurse: No, I mean drug allergies.
Girl: Well my mom is allergic to penicillin.
Nurse: Ok, she's ready to go.

Before they are able to wheel her off, the girls asks "um, you aren't gonna have to pop my foot back into place are you? Cuz that would really hurt and my foot is like all crooked right now."

I'm busting out laughing at this point, I'm not even sure the nurse replied to that answer. Finally when the nurse comes in to give me a tetanus booster, I ask her if she'll have to, like, pop my shoulder back in place before I get my shot. She laughs before driving a huge needle into my arm. Well, off to bed. Gotta be up early so I can go to Tim Horton's in Taylor for the Jamie and Brady show. Oh yeah, it's as exciting as it sounds.

Partisan Politics Coming to My Hometown

2005-06-03T03:05:00.000-04:00

Already in a foul mood after watching the Pistons lose, I hopped online for something to cheer me up. Sadly, I didn't find it. In fact, I found possibly the worst news that I could find, that didn't directly effect me.

Yesterday, the Senate Appropriations Judiciary and Corrections Subcommittee voted 3-2, along party lines, to close the Newberry Correctional Facility, the largest employer in my hometown and the current employer of my father-in-law. Basically, this sucks.

15 years ago, the State Mental Hospital, in Newberry, was closed by Governor Engler amid the objections of everyone in town. My uncle Sam, a doctor at the hospital, fought valiantly and gave a rousing speech on the floor of the Senate. On the day that Governor Engler came to town and announced that he indeed was closing the facility, my uncle dropped dead of a heart attack, undoubtedly brought on by the stress he'd endured in the months leading up to the closing. As they say in the movies, this time it's personal.

The Deal:

Republican Sen. Alan Cropsey of DeWitt, chairman of the subcommittee, said the cuts are needed because of recent revenue estimates showing a shortfall in the new budget year.
"I cannot do this without closing a facility," he said.
So instead of closing the Michigan Youth Correctional Facility, a Privately-owned, publicly-funded, for-profit, prison that has the 5th highest $$$/inmate rate in the State, they'd rather close Newberry.
The Michigan Office of the Auditor General already recommended the MYCF be closed because doing so would save $7.5 million/year.
The MYCF happens to be in Lake County, a Republican District, Newberry is in a Democrat's district.
Republicans control the Senate Appropriations Committee, guess which way they are all voting.

I've already sent off e-mails to the Senators involved and hope to God there are other ways for me to make a difference.

Especially Bitter Bonus Headlines
Eighth-Grader, Anurag Kashyap Wins U.S. Spelling Bee
Claims Victory as Competitors Are Asked to Spell 'Anurag Kashyap'
Power Still Out After California Landslide
Memo from God: Hey Assholes, That Was My Final Warning Shot
Study: Parents Can Help Babies Get Rhythm
Study Flaw: No White Males Were Tested
Saudi Arabia Mulls Ban on Women Drivers
Nope, Not Bitter Enough to Touch This One, but...the Woman driving 25 in a 45 While Doing Her Makeup, All With a 'Baby on Board' Sticker in the Window, Can Bite Me
Apple Offers $50 Credit for iPod Batteries
Consumer: The Batteries Cost $100 to be Replaced, Assholes
Rocker Jack White, Model Karen Elson Marry
In a canoe, in the Amazon River, I Kid You Not
Report: Denise Richards Gives Birth
Yay, Another Bastard Sheen, They Should Name It Emilio, Oh Wait...
Aretha Franklin Revisits Gospel Roots
Also Revists Buffet, Several Times
Sizemore Turned Down Role to Stay Sober
Also Turned Down Sobriety When He Decided to Date Heidi Fleiss
Scientists Study How to Tell T. Rex's Sex
Study: Marc Bolan was the First Metrosexual
Experts Are Listening to Grand Canyon
Sadly Only Hear People Screaming "Echo...echo...echo...echo"

Damn, it's late. G'night.

Headlines v6.2.5

2005-06-02T09:00:00.000-04:00

Bush Nominating Cox to Head SEC
Sometimes the Obvious is Good Enough
U.N. Staffer Fired Over Oil-For-Food Scam
McDonald's Emplyee Fired Over Oily Skin Scandal
Dutch Voters Reject EU Constitution
Explain They Were Much Happier Under EU Articles of the Confederation
Internet Group OKs 'Xxx' Web Addresses
Group: Lumping All Porn Sites Together Cuts Down on Search Time for Children
Lindsay Lohan Uninjured in Car Crash
Thankfully Her Airbags Deployed About 2 Years Ago
Judge Issues Warrant for Bobby Brown
Congratulations to Bobby Brown for his 100th Bench Warrant
Experts: Wet Winter Triggered Landslide
And Maybe Building Houses on the Sides of Hills Helped
Bees Swarm After Mayor Recommends Bee Book
Ahhhh! I'm Covered in Beeeeees!

Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you Phil Spector!

In one fo those random moment things, the DFN Morning Show decided to do an in-studio interview with Rachel Leigh Cook. I realized that I had only seen one movie with her in it. But her most famous (well to me) appearance was the Anti-Drug PSA where she looked supersexy and trashed an entire kitchen. Something she hilariously lampooned on a recent "Robot Chicken" episode. She's just as pretty in person. Just thought I'd throw that out.

Headlines and Random Bits

2005-06-01T01:25:00.000-04:00

Pistons game was pretty cool tonight. Everything went well. Except for damn beat reporters not knowing how to hold a microphone and causing feedback during the press conference.
Got a chance to talk with Eddie Harsch of The Black Crowes briefly. He was Kid Rock's guest of honor tonight and the first without a D cup in a long time. He seemed pretty excited about the band getting back together and said that it was a complete surprise that Marc Ford was back in the band. Not surprising that he came back, but surprising because nobody bothered to tell him that Marc was rejoining the band. I told him to enjoy and have fun and he told to do the same and made sure that I was coming out to a gig. Second time I've met the guy, and he's been very gracious both times.
Had a bad experience at IHOP today. Waitress somehow mistook my order for Chicken Strips w/BBQ sauce for Shrimp and cocktail sauce. Sara's order wasn't much better, instead of Peach topping she got apple. Oops. The waitress compounded things by chiding me about not touching the cocktail sauce. I was like yeah, I ordered BBQ sauce that was supposed to come with my chicken strips. OK, I really didn't say that. I was in a non-confrontational mood today. To make matters worse, as I'm waiting to pay I hear our waitress proclaim "I'm going to the bathroom. If I'm not out in 15 minutes call the coroner." And that gem was followed with, "Oh but break in and pull up my pants, I don't want my bare ass hanging out." Classy.
Had to deal with Miami radio folk today. Actually it wasn't as bad as it sounds. Not only did I make some phat (or is that the regular "fat"? I forget) cash today, but the morning guy for Miami's 790 the Ticket, is a hell of a nice guy. He immediately treated me well and was actually interested in my opinion. I'm so used to being looked down upon when I don the black Palace shirt, I forgot what to do when being treated with respect. Well basically I did the only thing I could do--get him coffee. Joe Rose, as well as producer and board op, Zach and Jose are very nice poeple. The afternoon guy was a bit of a diva. Some of you may know him as Dan La Batard. He told me that he really didn't want me around him during the show and was willing to have me do as little as possible. I didn't have to be told twice. I knew there was no way I was going to be able to handle listening to that guy spew idiocies for 3 hours. So I left him in the room, gave him a water and shut the door.
I pretty much got a new job today. I still have to endure the application and interview process, but I've almost been assured of doing data entry for Clear Channel. Not exactly exciting and glamorous, but it'll give me 20-30 hours a week which will be supplimented by my work at DFN. So I'll get 40 hours a week, benefits and still be able to work at the Palace during Pistons season. Sweet.
Oh for those of you just tuning in, Sara and I have gotten into married housing at U of M. We're pretty excited to get into the place we want and now Sara doesn't have to commute, just hop on a bus.

Headlines
Long-Secret Source 'Deep Throat' Unmasked
In Ironic Twist, 'Deep Throat' Linda Lovelace's Father
Trent Reznor Awarded Nearly $3 Million
Reznor Takes Happiest Picture Ever, Co-Produces Clay Aiken Album

Lawmaker Wants Lower Soldier Drinking Age
Wisconsin State Senator Introduces Most Popular Law Yet
Tech-Minded Kids Hike to Computer Camp
Ways to Avoid Being Beat Up by Basketball Camp Probed
Japan State Bans 'Grand Theft Auto' Sales
Vending Machines with Used Girls Panties Still OK
Slater Arrested on Charge of Groping
Clarification: Story Involves Christian Slater; is not a 'Saved by the Bell' Plot
Mom-To-Be Advertises Baby As Billboard
GoldenPalace.com is said to be Interested, but Only if Baby Looks Like Jesus

Headlines v5.27.05

2005-05-27T00:10:00.000-04:00

Inquiry Finds Some Quran 'Mishandling'
In Other News, Secretary of Indoor Plumbing Called to Abu Ghraib to fix Clog
Crowds, Security May Cause Air Travel Woes
Report: Same Stories About Air Travel Run Every Major Holiday
Corey Clark Miffed by 'Idol' Spoof
Clark Having Trouble Staying in the Spotlight, Plans More Pilates Classes
North Korea Denies Nuclear Testing Reports
Jong-Il Outraged at Insinuation of Nuclear Tests, Asks US to Ignore Satellite Photos from Around 5p.m. Tomorrow
Two Suspected in van Gogh Slaying Arrested
Suspects Were Caught With Ear of Victim
Intel Launches Dual-Core Chips for PCs
New Technology Allows Windows XP to Crash Up to 100x Faster
Judge Bars Photos of Jackson Genitalia
Trial Delayed 5 Minutes for Applause, Standing Ovation
Garth Brooks and Trisha Yearwood Engaged
Children With Poor Musical Taste to Ensue
Report: Quake on L.A. Fault Would Be Calamity
In Other News, First Report Based on Movie Released
Polar Bear With Bad Breath Gets Surgery
Yes, Canadian Nationalized Health Care Does Cover Everything
N.D. Student Perfect in GPA, Attendance
Student Credits Living in N.D., Lack of Anything Else to Do, With Success
Man Arrested for Wearing Grinch Mask
Man Faces Class D Felony Due to Obscure Whoville, W.V. Law
Great-Grandmother Gives Birth to Twins
In Other News, Local Orphanage Makes Room for Two More Children

What Time is it Again?

2005-05-20T02:50:00.000-04:00

Here's what's Happening in my life right now:

I started my day at 4:20am
I did 6 hours of Traffic at DFN
I managed a 2 hour nap
I arrived at the station at 5:30pm to board op Pistons
It's 2:50am
I'm Still at DFN
I'm rocking out (if that's possible) to Belle & Sebastian
I have to start producing Jamie and Brady at 6am
Yes, I'm spending the night
I just realized that when I got up from my nap earlier I put on the shirt I had on this morning
I stole an unwashed WDFN T-shirt from promotions
I'm wearing it

Holy Fuck I'm tired.

I can taste colors. That's how tired I am.

Random at Best

2005-05-18T11:05:00.000-04:00

Once again I'm going through a period of disconnectedness. Perfectly happy to concern myself with only things that are happening in my life. Of course it's no fault of anyone else's, it's just that there's a lot of things going through my head lately. Nothing serious, but nothing that makes me want to jump right out and involve myself with other people and their lives. This is also why I've been posting nothing but Headlines lately. Haven't really given a damn about politics or the like since it seems to be the same old shit. No offense anyone, really.

That being said, I'm starting to break out of my mini-funk(characterized by a tiny Bootsy Collins). I'm working a few things out and there's some events that will be happening in the very near future that will make me feel tremendously better about Sara going to grad school and my current work situation. I'll talk about those things later when they actually happen. I'd hate to incur the wrath of the jinx.

So how is everyone else? Seems as though everyone is doing well. Not that I've talked to any of you. Which I should. In fact everyone I know should get together and get plastered. Should ever one of my days off coincide with a nice day again, you all are invited over for a BBQ. I'll provide the food if you don't puke on the floor.

Random Thoughts:

Bumped into Seger at the Pistons game last night, while I was walking back to the Press Conference. I had to keep stopping because he kept stopping to shake hands and say hi to people. Seems like a nice enough guy. When we got out of the arena area back by the lockerooms I asked if he was running for mayor or something. He laughed, though I don't know if it was a static response or if he was truly amused.

Speaking of the Pistons, the previous home game the In-Arena show put two guys apparently sleeping up on the jumbotron. My first instinct was that they bored to death (as I was) of the game going on. Alas, no because just a couple minutes later paramedics we're dragging the guys away. Hysterical. These guys get two nice seats to the game and then have to get carted away midway through the third. I later saw them, on my way back to the press conference, at first aid, still completely out.

I did my best to get Mitch back for aiding to the public's mistrust of the media. At the presser, while Rick "Dry White Toast" Carlisle was speaking I got the "no more questions" sign from Pacers PR. Now normally if someone from local media have a question I'll still pot up their mic. Nope not for Albom. That's right bitch, take that. I will wield what little power I have. I am such a badass.

Congratulations to Gary and his lady. They are expecting a baby just about the time the Lions win the Superbowl. Well, the baby is will happen, the Lions winning the Superbowl is slightly less likely.

Damn, I've bought or downloaded a lot of music lately. 3 Spoon albums, Bloc Party, Hot Hot Heat, Frank Black, Jesus and Mary Chain, Kasabian, Kaiser Chiefs, Belle and Sebastian and a lot more. Good stuff.

Headlines for Some Reason:
NBA Proposes Tougher Testing Policies
In Related News, Sales of the Whizzinator Triple
CBS Cancels Wednesday '60 Minutes'
Cites Elderly's Inability to Stay Up for 8pm Start Time
Hostile Grackles Attack People in Houston
Tippi Hedren Cancels Trip to Texas
Mobile Phones Can Now Receive Amber Alerts
Now You Can Get Helpful Messages Like: Missing Boy, Age 9 and White Chevy Van
Computer Virus Spews Right-Wing Spam
Virus Forces Computer to Record, Play 'O'Reilly Factor' Radio Feed
Jane Fonda Film Banned From Kentucky Theaters
Ban for Political Reasons, Sadly Not Just Because It Sucks

Headlines v5.17.5

2005-05-17T10:15:00.000-04:00

Newsweek Urged to Do More to Repair Damage
Somehow Chocolates, Flowers Won't Help Here
Rugby Coach Beaten Unconscious in California
Assault Blamed on English Tourists
Kylie Minogue Diagnosed With Breast Cancer
I Just Can't Get You Out of My Breast...
Lucas Makes Cameo in 'Revenge of the Sith'
Finally, a Bearded Fat Man in 'Star Wars' That Hardcore Fans Can Relate To
Reznor: Manager Duped Me Into Bad Contract
Manager Accused of Biting Hand That Feeds
Study: Herb Helps Curb Binge Drinking
Yeah, But Why Would You Want To?
Drug's Effect on Cancer Stuns Doctors
Situation Could Have Been Worse, Cancer Drugs Weren't Set on Kill, Frappe
Mount Rainier 3rd Most Dangerous Volcano
Rainier Behind Kilauea, Star Jones as Most Dangerous

Headlines v5.16.5

2005-05-16T15:45:00.000-04:00

Singer McCready says Boyfriend Hit Her
In Related News Mindy Says She Has Enough Material for 3 Hit Albums*
Microsoft Launches MSN Desktop Search Tool
Also Provides Countdown Clock for Next 'Critical Error' Program Shutdown
Mexico's Fox Defends Comments About Blacks
Recommends 'Birth of a Nation' as a Good Movie to Rent from Blockbuster
UPS to Purchase Overnite for About $1.25B
Cash to Arrive at Overnite Inc. in 2-4 Weeks, Depending on Location
Sony Set to Unveil New PlayStation 3
Console Also Acts as DVD Player, Microwave for Late Night Burritos
NBC Hopes for Rebound, Releases Schedule
Shortens Must-See TV Thursday to 8-8:30 Thursday
England Tries to ID Mystery Piano Man
Crashed Car Into Hospital; In Related News, Billy Joel Set for U.K. Tour
Diesel From Natural Gas Could Cut Smog
In Other News, Using One Fossil Fuel as Substitute for Another Isn't Helping
Bush Urges Development of Alternate Fuels
Saudi Arabia Declares War on US

*Contribution by Big Matt

Thanks to Matt for his Contribution. If you have a Headline for TWWoS, E-mail me.

Headlines v5.15.5

2005-05-15T11:10:00.000-04:00

Paris Hilton Touts Spicy Burger in TV Ad
Original Burger Walks Off Set After Seeing 'House of Wax'
Tailgate Blamed for Finger in Chili Claim
Man: Ouch! I just severed my finger in this tailgate.
Woman: What should we do?
Man: Lets go to the hospital, maybe they can reattach it.
Woman: Wait! I have a better idea...
Texas Bill to Ban Suggestive Cheers Stalls
Poontang Right Up There with Alamo Beer and Guns in Texas
Chiropractor in Botox Probe Gets License
When You Want a Part of You Paralyzed, You Think of a Chiropractor
Mexican President's Remark Criticized
Fox: Mexicans will take jobs "that not even blacks want to do in the United States."
Completes Rare 'Double Insult' With Statement. Well Done Vincente.
Four Small Bombs Explode in Spain
Spanish bombs; yo te quiero infinito. Yo te quiero, oh mi corazón.*
Gumby Making Comeback on 50th Anniversary
Sadly, Pokey was Killed in Freak Steamroller Accident Just Last Week
Star Wars Fans Flock to Paris
Hilton Groped but Unhurt, Spicy Burger Taken
Crazy Cabbie Gets Jail After On-Air Boast
Note to Self: If You Haven't Paid Taxes, Don't Talk About it on a Nationally Syndicated Radio Show
Professor Details Fight Against Narcolepsy
Speech Lasts 4 Hours, 7 Naps
Crowded India Cities Face Conflict on Cows
New Spicy Burger Coming to Bombay

*Bonus Cool Points if You Get This

Headlines v5.13.5

2005-05-13T11:05:00.000-04:00

33 Major U.S. Bases Would Close Under Plan
With Most Personnel Overseas Fighting, Bases Not Needed
Soldiers Open Fire on Uzbek Protesters
5 Dead in Ohiokistan
'Star Wars' Fans Turn Out for Premieres
Parents Nationwide Reclaim Their Basements
4 Men to Receive Light Sentences for Assault on Disabled Black Man
You Know if It Had Been the Other Way Around There'd Already Be an Execution Date Set
162 Charges Dropped Against Ex-NASA Worker
NASA Trying Out, Failing At New 'Holding People Accountable' Method
U.S. General Calls Somalia Terror Haven
Jerry Bruckheimer Readies 'Blackhawk Down 2: America's Revenge'
Tech Firms Owe Debt to 'Star Wars' Creator
George Lucas Lovefest to Continue Through June
Actor Chris Tucker Pleads Guilty to Speeding, Misdemeanor Annoyance Stemming from His 'Rush Hour' Movies
Video Games May Help Stroke Victims
Explains Why Grandmothers Everywhere Wanted 'Doom 3' for Mother's Day
Lawmakers Seek Ban on Flavored Cigarettes
Big Tobacco: But the Kids Seem to Love Them
New Species of Rodent Found in Laos
Surprisingly Laos Not a Popular Tourist Destination
Conservatives Honor DeLay With Gala
Nothing Like Celebrating a Senator, Who's Under Investigation.

Three Cheers for Tom!

Headlines v5.11.5

2005-05-11T01:25:00.000-04:00

Stones Announce New Album, World Tour
Proving to Everyone Rock n Roll Isn't about Youth, Rebellion
Ethnic Rifts Tearing at al-Qaida
If Libyans and al-Qaida Can't Get Along, Who Can?
Pope Benedict Presses Ahead With Busy Schedule
Plans to Tour with Counting Crows to Help Open New Gap, Starbucks Stores
Artificial Athletes Compete in RoboCup
Just Latest In String of High Profile Sporting Events to Come to New Detroit
Andre 3000 Signs Nickelodeon-MTV Deal
Just In Case Your Kids Aren't Weird Enough
Corey Clark Says He Has Affair Evidence
Has Stained Blue Dress as Proof
or
Has Tapes of His Phone Conversations With Bill O'Reilly
Lucas Glad to Leave Star Wars Behind
Yeah, It's Gotta Be a Bitch Being a Billionaire
Mark Hamill Reminisces on 'Star Wars'
Ends Interview When Reporter Can't Name Another Film He Was In
Archaeologists Find 2,000-Year-Old Shoe
Shoe Was Found at a Salvation Army Store in Kankakee, Florida
NASA Satellite Captures Black Hole Birth
Black Hole Son Finally Comes, Washes Away the Rain
CT Scans Show What King Tut Looked Like
First Picture of What he Might Have Looked Like*

*Click Picture for Goodness

Late Night Headlines

2005-05-10T01:40:00.000-04:00

WWII's Victors, Victims Honored in Moscow
Marked Moment When Communism Became as Bad As Naziism
Iran Confirms Uranium-To-Gas Conversion
My Stomach Confirms Chili-To-Gas Conversion
Renee Zellweger, Kenny Chesney Get Married
Jack White Said to Be Indifferent, Look Creepy
Woman Killed in Souped-Up Golf-Cart Crash
Tim "The Toolman" Taylor Held for Questioning
MLB Sees Fewer HRs Amid Steroid Crackdown
Players Said to Be Too Tired From "Exercise," Twice Daily Urine Tests
Reports: Garner, Affleck Expecting Child
Countdown to the Birth of the Anti-Christ Has Begun
KC of Sunshine Band Falls From Stage
Do a Little Dance, Make a Little Love, Fall Down Tonight, Fall Down Tonight
Study: Meanness in Girls Can Start at 3
Chronic Bitchiness Can Start as Early as 7
U.S. Offers Diplomatic Carrots to N. Korea
Part of New Foreign Policy Vegatable of the Month Club;
Radishes of Statesmanship Next Month
Brazilian Town Declares Orgasm Day
Preparations Made for Annual "Come as You Are" Dinner

I've fixed the TWWoS Search and expect some new music later today. G'night.

Early Headlines: v5.6.5

2005-05-06T07:35:00.000-04:00

Poll: Public Doubts Bush Soc. Security Plan
Poll: Public Tired Eating Crap That's Fed to Them
Runaway Bride Denies Having Cold Feet
Blames 72-hour Obsessive Compulsive/Stupidity Bug That's Going Around
Audioslave Brings American Rock to Cuba
Zach de la Rocha Said to Be Spinning in Obscurity
Dozens Contract Illness From Small Pets
Doctors Say Washing Hands More, Kissing Hamsters Less Will Help
New Computers Make Grocery Carts Smarter
Speaks 3 Languages, English, Spanish and Spanglish; Hounds You When You Buy Too Many Frozen Dinners
Chlamydia Outbreak Kills a Dozen Penguins
Trojan Working on Penguin Condoms; Increased Sex Education

Yeah, I know these suck, but it's early.

Headlines vCinco de Mayo and Banned Songs

2005-05-05T11:30:00.000-04:00

Let's do the time warp back to the 1960's again. A little band named the Kingsman was rocking the charts with a little song called "Louie, Louie" prompting a 2 year FBI Investigation on the content of the lyrics. The result? The lyrics weren't obscene and "unintelligible at any speed." Flash forward to 2005. The place? McCord Middle School in Benton Harbor. Superintendent Paula Dawning has banned "Louie, Louie" from being played at the Grand Floral Parade, citing the obscene lyrics. Two problems with that:

The band is the middle school marching band.
No lyrics were going to be sung.

Now you could blame Janet Jackson's boobie for the crackdown on indecency and oversensitivity on the issue, but Janet gets away clean, when overt stupidity is at fault.

Paula Dawning, you are an idiot. Let the middle schoolers, who probably listen to the likes of Lil' Jon and G-G-G-Unit play the damn song. I assure you, the world will not end.

Headlines:
Ex-'Idol' Won't Help Fox Probe Charges
Maybe That's Because He's Lying...
U.S. Can't Account for $100M Spent in Iraq
Halliburton Announces Extra $100M Profit in 1st Quarter
Al Gore to Get Lifetime Award for Internet
Award Conceived, Invented, Presented by Al Gore
Group Heeds Anderson Call for KFC Boycott
KFC President: "the facts are `Stacked'" against Anderson and said he wanted her to be "kept fully abreast" of KFC's ethical practices. Actual Quotes. Awesome.
Production of 'Chappelle's Show' Suspended
White People Forced to Watch UPN in New Ways to Bastardize Black Culture
New Low-Alcohol Wine Targets Women
Worldwide Sexual Activity Expected to Drop as Women Get Less Drunk
Team Goes for Electric Car Speed Record
Group Looks to Surpass Coveted 25m.p.h. Mark
Columbia Crew on Shuttle Astronauts' Minds
Well, duh

Headline v5.3.5

2005-05-03T14:35:00.000-04:00

Iran Will Pursue Nuclear Technology
Countdown to Invasion Has Begun
Carson Daly to Host 'Last Call' in L.A.
Still on Hunt to Find Someone That Watches Show
Animal Waste Studied As Energy Source
Food=Poo=Gasoline: What the Saudi's Don't Want You to Know
or
Someone Tell the Monkeys to Stop Throwing Rocket fuel
Dallas Divided Over Powers of Mayor
Ewing Family Looking for More Control
Officials Probe Source of Severed Finger
Hand With Missing Digit Suspected
Cops: Man Tries to Pay for Pizza With Pot
First Pizza Deliveryman To Not Smoke Weed Found
Study: 209 Animals Sexually Abused
Apparently Country Full of Large-breasted Blonde Women Not Enough for Swedish Men

**Update**
John Paul II Trading Card Sells for $8,100
Card Comes from Historic 1983 Season Where He Had 2,500 Conversions, 12 Exorcisms

Late Night Headlines & The Power of Cash

2005-05-03T00:45:00.000-04:00

Recently I received an e-mail from the wonderful and loquacious Sarah Williams. She's going to do a 3-day 60-mile walk to raise money in the fight against breast cancer. Having lost a grandmother to cancer, and the fact that there is a definite predilection for the disease in my family, this is a cause I believe in. Sarah is hoping to raise $4,000 and is currently well short of that goal. Sara and I have donated and are planning on participating in the upcoming Race for the Cure 5k (proceeds do not go to Robert Smith) downtown in June. So, if you can afford it, donate on-line here. Every little bit helps.

Headlines:
Groom Still Wants to Marry Runaway Bride
Greyhound to Sponsor Wedding
Report: Airport Screeners Lack Training
At $6.50/hour You Get What You Pay For
Black Leaders Want New Million Man March
Sharpton, Jackson, Farrakhan Plan Monsters of Rhetoric Tour
Jolie: Guns Instilled Trust in Brad Pitt
NRA Plans New Marketing Campaign
Martha Stewart Offers Glimpse of Famous Ankle
New Hotness: Elderly Ankle Flash; Old and Busted: Nip-slip; Tara Reid Blamed for Change*
Cher's Farewell Tour Ends at Hollywood Bowl
Continues Next Week at Plastic Surgeon's Office
Vitamin C May Cut Pregnant Smoking Risks
Just One Glass of Orange Juice a Day Stops 75% of Fetuses From Smoking
Survey: Teens Know Risks but Tan Anyway
Study: Parental Responsibility at All-time Low
Stores Use Fresh Produce to Lure Shoppers
Don't Expect Same Marketing From Chinese Restaurants

*NSFW Frankenipple Example

Albom and Some Late Night Headlines

2005-05-01T02:15:00.000-04:00

By now you've all heard of the recent hoopla surrounding Mitch Albom of the Detroit Free Press. In case you are unfamiliar, Mitch wrote a column setting the scene at the Michigan State's Final Four game and describing how a couple of former MSU players were there cheering on the team. Only two things were wrong with that:

Mitch wrote the column before the game actually took place.
The players Mitch mentioned never showed up to the game.

Oops. Since then Mitch and his editors have been reprimanded. In a column he wrote today he described the ordeal and if you like crap, read it. From the way I read it, he actually wants you to feel sorry for him, while wrapping it up in a little story about him asking God for guidance.

Here's a sample:

The last three weeks have been the darkest yet most enlightening of my professional life. The dark part is obvious. I made a careless mistake in a column. It wasn't malicious. It didn't harm the subjects. But it was factually incorrect in four paragraphs. I assumed something would happen that didn't. That was wrong.

No Mitch, writing a column talking about something that hadn't happened yet is wrong. The entire pretense of the article is fallacy.

I apologized to my bosses. We were going to run a correction. Then we decided to go further. I apologized on the front page of the sports section, something unprecedented, but indicative that we took it seriously.

Unprecedented? You made up a column, you got your facts wrong, an apology and retraction was necessary. And remind me, didn't the apology come about 6 days after the column was written?

A volcano erupted. An explosion that mixed the criticism I deserved with a lava flow of anger, hate, self-righteousness and people who once called themselves friends preferring to act as my judge and jury.

Oh you poor thing, let me hug you. It's called reality and if you fuck up you're going to get called out.

In the race to report on my journalistic error, you could barely count the mistakes and falsehoods that were committed. From a TV station that called me a Pulitzer Prize winner (I'm not) to a major sports magazine that chastised my column on two players who weren't at the Final Four, then got it wrong by saying I wasn't at the Final Four.

Good Mitch, nothing like owning up to your mistakes by pointing out others as well.

Not that I needed a reason to never read one of his columns again, since I hadn't been reading them regularly since the mid-90's, but goodbye Mitch, I hope arrogance makes you happy.

Headlines:
Bride Resurfaces, Admits Faking Abduction
Ironically Comes Home With "New Mexico is for Lovers" Bumpersticker
William Bell, Creator of TV Soaps, Dies
Bell Suffered From Amnesia, Comas Brought on by Return of Lost Siblings, Parents
Kerry Backs Villaraigosa for L.A. Mayor
Kerry Surges Ahead in Polls in Bid for Drain Commissioner
Cult Hit 'Family Guy' Returning to Fox
Parents Television Council and FCC Ready Complaints, Fines
Astronaut Hall of Fame Inducts 3 Members
Completes Induction of Every Astronaut, Even French Ones
Cuomo Warns Against Filibuster Changes
Study: Former New York Governors Have Delusions of Relevancy

So in case you haven't noticed I've made more changes albeit slight ones. Check out the music. I'm only putting up stuff I really like, so you should like it to and go buy some albums. As always criticism/recommendations are welcome. Well time for bed, gotta sleep sometime. Happy May Day.

Headlines v4.30.5

2005-04-30T10:25:00.000-04:00

Iran May Resume Nuclear-Related Activites
CIA: 75% Sure That Iran's Not Making a Bomb; 90% Sure Iran is a Country
Vietnam Marks 30 Years Since War's End
U.S. Remembers by Flying Ambassador Out of Saigon on Helecopter
FDA OKs Lizard-Derived Shot for Diabetes
Study: Godzilla Had Low Blood Sugar; Loved Blue Oyster Cult
PETA Targets Jennifer Lopez Film Premiere
Everyone Else Just Thinks the Movie Sucked
'Soup Nazi' to Launch Takeout Chain
Overused Catchphrase Celebrates 10th Anniversary
GM Chief's Pay Drops in 2004 to $10M
I Guess When the Company Loses $1B in a Quarter $10M Isn't That Much
Chris Klein Pleads Guilty to Drunk Driving
Klein Barred From Making 'American Pie' Sequel; Wants to Go Back Into Obscurity
Seventeen Magazine Predicted Cruise, Holmes Match
I Predict Embarrassing Stories About Tampons, Ashton Kutcher in Seventeen
'Desperate Housewives' Loans Gown to Teen for Prom
This Year's Prom Theme: Washed-up Whore Actresses
'Mermaid' Baby Turns 1, Awaits Surgery
Sad Side-Note Disney Didn't Show After Ariel and Eric's Wedding

Headlines v4.29.5

2005-04-29T11:50:00.000-04:00

NASA Delays Post-Columbia Flight Again
NASA Finally Running Tests it Should Have Done 25 Years Ago
Girl Sticks Schoolmates With Used Needle
Needs to Learn Difference Between Good Sharing and Bad Sharing
American Indians to Gather for Powwow
Will Stay at a Different Hotel After Reservations Given to White People
Arkansas Man Recalls Finding Rare Woodpecker
Yeah, In His Pants
Rice Calls for Acceleration of Democracy in Chile
In Her First Public Appearance Since Being Named Secretary of State
Verizon Pulling Plug on Free NYC Wi-Fi
Only One Day After Posting $1.8B in Earnings
Cinema Owners Seek to Curb Phone Rage
TWWoS Seeks Law to Make Assault in Movie Theaters OK
Report: 'Idol' Finalist Faced Drug Charges
No Convictions; Judges Felt Sorry For Him Having 'Bo Bice' as Name
'Simpsons' Looks Beyond 350th Episode
Shouldn't Look Much Farther; Note to Groening: Season 16 Has Sucked
Man Repossesses Truck With Child Inside
Baby Held as Interest Payment

Quarter Bounce

2005-04-28T10:35:00.000-04:00

How about that dumbass (Dennis Pauley) who decided to drop two bits off A.I.'s back? What an idiot. You move down, from free upper deck seats to fairly expensive ones, the Pistons are winning and for some reason you dig into your pocket and throw some change? The most shocking thing is that this guy is from Taylor.

Who would've thought such a high-class, nothing but quality type of person would come from downriver? So what did the guy's friends do while he stayed after and talked with police? Ditched him and left him to find his own way to get home. If one of my friends ever did something that stupid, I'd probably hit them first(male or female) then do exactly the same thing--let them walk.

It's a shame that the guy's friend, Michael Roberts, is going to be charged with occupying a seat he didn't have permission to be in...Wha? That's a crime? I'd have to say that I haven't sat in the seats I purchased about 50% of the time. You see seats that aren't being used, you move up. Simple as that. At the Palace I see people move up all the time, mostly big-titted women. Funny how there's a direct correlation between breast size and the ability to get better seats. But I've digressed...charging Roberts with a crime is moronic and a waste of taxpayers money. The guy is only guilty of one thing--being friends with an asshole. And that isn't a crime, just ask Ray Lewis.

Headlines:
GOP Leaders Reach Tentative Deal on Budget
We're Going to Lower Taxes and Increase Spending, What Could Go Wrong?
Putin Defends Missile Sales to Syria
Giving Your 2nd Closest Enemy More Things to Make You Asplode, What Could Go Wrong?
Houston Bans Offensive Odor in Libraries
Controversial 'Farting Ban' Enacted in Texas; Enforcement Expected to Be a Problem
Three Missing in Whaling Boat Accident
Queequeg, Ishamel Among the Missing
Roberts on People's Most Beautiful Cover
Gives Hope to Horse-faced Girls Everywhere

Shocking Developments...

2005-04-28T00:10:00.000-04:00

The House of Representatives has repealed the new rules that basically prevented the Ethics Committee from investigating Tom DeLay. The charge to rechange the rules was led by the same guy that wanted to new rules in the first place House Speaker Dennis Hastert. So now the Committee can get back to work rooting out evil, err ethics violators in the House. Pretty much DeLay will be first up, with all of these new revelations coming out about him. I'm sure there are Democrat violators as well, so let the hand of justice be swift and maybe Congress can get back to doing its job of making Americans feel safer and improving the quality of life, instead of boring us to death with talk of steroid abuse by overpaid athletes.

Then again, what am I talking about? The House futher separated itself from the church by making it harder for minors to get abortions. Legislation was passed today that makes it illegal for a minor to cross state lines(from a state that requires your parents permission) to get an abortion without parental consent. Of course this is just a step in the right direction (literally) for Republicans who want to eliminate abortion altogether. What happens when a teenager, f'd in the head with hormones, gets preggers, ignores treatment since she doesn't want her parents to find out, conceals the pregnancy and ends up giving birth at prom, leaving the baby in a dumpster somewhere? Ok, so that's a little extreme (or a lot), but Republicans seem to be Hell bent on protecting life, but ignore the child's quality of life after the child is born.

Bonus Headlines:
Texas A&M Researchers Clone Horse
Work on Program to Give All 12 year-old Girls Ponies
Man Convicted of Trying to Sell Missiles
If He Was Selling Them to Iran in the '80' It Would've Been OK
Dethroned 'Ms. Wheelchair' Given New Title
When Just Being Able to Move Your Legs Isn't Reward Enough
'ET' Snares Rights to Letourneau Wedding
What? Was Springer Still on Hiatus?
Sgt. Akbar to Testify in Attack Trial
Picture of Akbar on Stand:

Random Thoughts
--Why is it that Christian Fundamentalist Groups fail to understand the meaning and importance of the separation of church and state, but are the same people to call people "Un-American" if they criticize Bush or the War in Iraq.

--Why is Congress devoting so much time to steroids? Tell me how this is going to make gas cheaper or pay for my medical bills.

--Why are people obsessed with who Brad Pitt is currently banging, but fall asleep when talk comes to politics? An adult civics class should be required on the weekend before a major election. How many people would've voted for Bush if they'd actually known what was going on?

--Why do stupid people annoy me so much?

And Finally...
Chelsea you will be happy to know that Sara and I found the 2nd and 3rd Seasons of Futurama on sale today, so we bought them. I'll show you how to use your DVD burner the next time we're up.

And Sara and I are looking at moving into married housing in A2 late this summer, of course that's provided we get into the one we want.

G'night.

Headlines v4.27.5

2005-04-27T11:05:00.000-04:00

Exploding Toads Puzzle German Scientists
Part of Super-secret Amphibian Blitzkrieg Program
Texas School Board Adds Bible Class
Study: Texans Fail to Understand Separation of Curch and State
Pope Pledges to Work for Reconciliation
Scraps 'Divide and Conquer' World Domination Plans
Wal-Mart Unveils Customized Music CDs
No Word On Whether 'Customized' Means Leaving Songs Unedited
Clay Aiken Invites Girls to Oprah Show
Part of Aiken's 'I'm not gay, honest' Program; Attempts to Stay Relevant
Pamela Anderson Joins PETA Boycott of KFC
People for the Ethical Treatment of Silicone Boycoot Pamela Anderson
Doctor: Child Abuse, Meth Exposure Linked
Russ: Waste of Money, Stating the Obvious Linked
Brad Pitt Meets Orphans of AIDS Pandemic
Introduces New Fight Club to Keep Kids Off Street

Tom DeLay is still in the news. Now he's accused of taking money to help stop a bill in congress that would tighten the Labor Laws in the Marianas (Pacific Islands). Jack Abramoff, other DeLay aides and lobbyists charged $3million in lobbying fees in a two year span. That's in addition to another $11,000 that was given directly to DeLay and his wife. All of this happened in 1996, '97. Good work Tom, way to help keep those sweatshops going. You are the man.

And one might think our President might just want to distance himself from a guy like DeLay, seeing as how he's been rebuked by the House Ethics Committee 3 times and continues to get plenty of negative press with new reports about his indiscretions coming our every week. Oh, but of course that doesn't trouble Teflon Dubya.

"I appreciate the leadership of Congressman Tom DeLay in working on important issues that matter to the country," Bush said

This before he gave DeLay a ride on Air Force One. Damn, it's good to be a second term president. As for DeLay, he called the experience "humbling" and has said that he would gladly answer all questions posed by the Ethics Committee, which of course doesn't mean jack since of the Republican imposed rule changes.

Quote of the Day:

"Jack Abramoff can't cut deals for first class seats on Air Force One," said DNC communications director Karen Finney. "This time the taxpayers are stuck paying the bill. It's time for George Bush to stop giving Tom DeLay a free ride."

Nice.*

Actress Maggie Gyllenhaal is taking some heat for saying, in an interview last week, that the U.S. "is responsible in some way" for the attacks. God forbid anyone should speak honestly and truthful about 9/11. After all of the reports on intelligence failures, our nation's broad misunderstanding of Islam and our screwing up of foreign policy dating back to the first Gulf War, it's surprising so many people can't find the U.S. at least partially responsible for what happened---or at least not stopping them from happening. That being said, the 9/11 attacks were done by radical extremists and the U.S.'s culpability doesn't mean they should of happened or that we deserved it.

*Story and Quotes from the Associate Press

Extra Headlines v4.25.5.2

2005-04-25T20:20:00.000-04:00

Pope Says Election Was Like 'Guillotine'
Also Mumbles Something About Letting People Eat Cake
More Girls Try Taking Steroids to Tone Up
Men: Steroids Are Bad; Get Breast Implants
Wisconsin Man Tells Police He Froze Dead Mother
Man: Who wants a momcicle?
Man#2: What did you just say?
Man: I didn't say momcicle, if that's what you're thinking.
Man #2: Ok. *slurp*
Man Says 7-Year-Old Joke Led to Killing
Jay Leno's Monologue Held for Questioning
Russia's Putin: Soviet Collapse a Tragedy
Describes Communism as 'Misunderstood super happy fun time'
Elton John's Publicist Says Singer to Wed
Big Sunglasses and Feather Boa's for Everyone!
Report: 'Will & Grace' Back Next Season
Not Even San Francisco Watches Anymore

Bigots and Headlines v4.25.5

2005-04-25T12:05:00.000-04:00

About 3,000 protesters marched in Connecticut to denouce the lawmakers who passed legislation allowing gay or lesbian couples to have a civil union. Notice that this isn't marriage or have anything to do with a religious ceremony. What is wrong with these people...this doesn't involve their sanctity of marriage, it's more of a legal agreement, but apparently these hate-mongers won't be satisfied until there are no homosexuals...or at least until they are completely stripped of rights.

"Civil unions are merely a stepping stone to redefining marriage," said Brian Brown, executive director of the Family Institute of Connecticut at Sunday's rally. "Anyone who voted for this bill voted for same-sex marriage."

But they didn't vote for same-sex marriage, did they? They voted in civil unions. Mr. Brown, why are you so threatened by this action? Do you think that giving same-sex couples some rights cheapens or discount any relationship you might have? Please point out to me in the vaguely worded holy scripture where same-sex civil unions are outlawed. You have allowed yourself to adapt other parts of the Bible to current times, but out of bigotry and hate, you won't allow for any middle ground in this situation.

Of course, this new law hasn't exactly pleased everyone on the homosexual side either.

...about 80 gay rights activists took part in a mock wedding ceremony on the Capitol lawn Sunday, criticizing civil unions as second-class citizenship.

Of course gay/lesbian activists should allow for some middle ground. Take civil unions for now. Hopefully in a few years when America's culture of intolerance has loosened up a bit, another push for a law legalizing gay marriage will be more socially acceptable.

U.S. Governors Consider Medicaid Reform
Because God Forbid Our Federal Government Get Involved
Bush to Talk Oil Prices With Saudi Prince
Whether or Not He Wants Them Raised or Lowered Remains to be Seen
Agencies Move to Enforce Immigration Laws
Finally Someone Willing to Stop Influx of Canadians
Joy in Ethiopia as Last Piece of Axum Obelisk Returns From Rome
Joy Turns to Sorrow When They Find Out It Isn't Made of Food
Australia to Hold More Talks on Non-aggression Pact with Asian Neighbors
Because the Threat of an Attack by Countries Decimated by Tsunami, Earthquakes Always a Concern

Click here for the saddest and creepiest picture you'll see all day.

Probably more later today, I'll be around since I'm making chicken noodle soup from scratch. Yummy, yummy.

Headlines v4.21.5

2005-04-21T16:00:00.000-04:00

Paris Hilton Cuts Ties With Nicole Richie
Wanted: Unattractive/Vapid Companion for Reality Show
Experts Solve Mystery of Unpopped Popcorn
It Was Farmer Johnson All Along; Meddling Kids, Dog Creidted With Find
Pope Benedict XVI Gets E-Mail Address
E-Mail Address Marks Catholic Church's First Entry Into 21st Century
High Schools to Test Students for Alcohol
Finally a Test HS Students Can Pass Regularly
Activists Push to Recycle 'E-Waste'
Spam to be Turned Into Park Benches, Penis Enhancement Pills
Report: Affleck and Garner Engaged
Report: Affleck Needs to Stay High-Profile, Since No One Sees His Movies
Ryan Seacrest Gets Star on Walk of Fame
Honor Breaks Down Barriers by Awarding First Metrosexual
Canada OKs Cannabis-Based MS Painkiller
That Comes With a Free Bag of Doritos, Right Eh?
Study Shows Antarctic Glaciers Shrinking
Preparation-H Tanker Spill Blamed
Agency: Highway Death Rate Hits New Low
'New Low' Said to be in Stable Condition; Alcohol Not a Factor